


Backstage Pass

by teagyjaney



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Backstage Pass, Drama, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hiatus, If Zayn had never been in 1D, Lies, Love, Manipulation, Romance, Secrets, Sexual Tension, Smut, Universe Alteration, Unrequited Love, What it was like to be the only girl in 1D
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-03-29 03:38:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 41,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13918584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teagyjaney/pseuds/teagyjaney
Summary: From the outside, One Direction appeared to be living the dream, but this well-oiled machine was near its breaking point.Secrets, lies, affairs... what will be the thing that pushes one member over the edge?Take a look behind the scenes of the greatest pop band of this generation; the highs, the lows and the moment that tore them apart.Here is your backstage pass...





	1. Meet The Cast

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Prologue

 

****

 

**Prologue**

I examined my reflection in the mirror, barely recognising the person staring back at me. Small wrinkles had begun to form around my eyes, and more than a couple of greys were starting to appear in my dark brown hair. My eyes no longer sparkled like they used to, they hadn’t for some time.  

The screaming fans had long since gone and I’d not been asked for an autograph in years. These days it’s mainly when breakfast will be ready, or what I would be making for dinner that night. I sighed inwardly; sad that this was it had all come to; divorce. It was time to finally face the fact that we had fallen out of love long ago and we needed to move on with our lives.  

When I found out about _her_ , I wasn’t mad, I was relieved; that’s when I knew it was time to leave. My phone buzzed on the dresser beside the mirror. I contemplated not looking at the message, but my curiosity got the better of me as I reached for the device. I opened the message, and my lips twitched into a small smile.

\- I miss you.

I clutched my phone to my chest, biting my bottom lip and pressing my eyes closed tightly. I was beginning to type a reply when I heard my daughters’ voice shout out from the kitchen.

“Mum?!” I darted across the room throwing on whatever clothes I could find as the footsteps drew closer and closer to the bedroom. A small knock came at the door, “Hey,” She said, waltzing in without an invitation, “Dad said family meeting time downstairs, so let’s hop to it.” She smiled walking back out of the room, stopping in the doorway to wait for me. As she stood there with that innocent smile on her face, the guilt washed over me like it always does whenever I looked into those beautiful bright, blue eyes that brought back so many old memories.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading Backstage Pass, I hope you are enjoying it so far. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	3. 1

****

 

**1.**

**Sunday, December 13th 2020**

_“Welcome back to the X Factor finale-”_

_Five years. Five years since I’d sung live in front of a crowd, five years since I’d performed with these boys; boys who were now grown men. I left for a reason; I had no idea what had made me agree to come back. My eyes darted between the four people that once knew me better than anyone; that I used to call my family. In just five short years, everything had changed, nothing felt the same._

_“You ready for this…?” Liam grinned at us; hyped, as usual, bouncing around like a puppy._

_“Maybe… Yes? Yes.” Louis shuffled on the spot nervously and straightening out his suit jacket, not nearly as enthused as the excitable brown eyed man beside him._

_“I can’t believe you guys dragged me back into this…”_

_“Listen, if you didn’t wanna-” Niall frowned at Harry, as the self-proclaimed ‘rock star’ flicked his new fringe to the side melodramatically and scoffed cutting off the Irishman. Niall pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed in frustration. Getting the five of us in the same room again had been a task for him and Harry’s attitude was just making things more difficult._

_“Let’s just try and get along,” I encouraged, Harry’s gaze narrowing in on me; betrayal still lingering behind his eyes, “Even if it’s just for tonight?” I pleaded quietly, my voice trailing off to a whisper as my eyes fell to the floor, the guilt setting in again._

_“Ladies and gentleman, it’s been five years since their final performance together, please join me in welcoming back to the stage; ONE DIRECTION!”_

_“No going back now…” Niall’s trademark smile burst onto his face as he strode toward the stage. I smiled through the agony of it all as I followed behind the boys and the lights went up._

_What the hell am I doing back here…?_

_\-------------------------------------------------------_

**TEN YEARS EARLIER…**

**Friday, July 23rd 2010**

_I stood with the other rejected acts as our dreams crumbled before us. Whether we were told we weren’t good enough, told we weren’t ready, told we weren’t what they were looking for at this time… our hearts were broken. A flicker of hope had arisen in all of us when five boys and four girls had been called to the stage ten minutes earlier; I’d hoped that maybe I had a chance too, maybe just maybe… but no. That’s when the one named Zack or Zayn, or something, came storming off the stage._

_“If I’m not good enough to be a solo artist than I don’t wanna be in some shitty ‘boyband’! You can all piss off!” He was clearly unhappy about something. He raged out of the building like a petulant child who hadn’t gotten their own way. I stood there watching it all unfold before me thinking, what I would give for a chance like that._

_“What do you think all that was about?” A girl in the crowd asked no one in particular._

_“Maybe they’ll send someone up in his place?” One of the boys speculated._

_“That would be incredible…” My new friend Sarah said from beside me, “Teags, who do you think they’ll choose?” She asked as she nibbled at her nails. I shrugged and looked around hopefully, wondering what was going to happen next. A rumble of voices filled the air as we waited in anticipation for something, anything to happen. Moments later, one of the stage managers came and stood in front of us holding a clipboard in his hands. A hush fell over the room as everyone’s focus landed on him, anxious to hear what he had to say. His eyes scanned the crowd slowly before he glanced down at the sheet in front of him._

_“Teagan Walters?” He called out. It took me a moment to react, I could feel everyone’s eyes on me._

_“That’s me,” I said quietly stepping forward, “It’s Teagan Jane.” I corrected; I’d never been a fan of my last name, it was just so… generic._

_“Whatever,” He said rolling his eyes and sighing, “Follow me.” I looked around at my new friends I’d made at boot camp and shrugged before following after him quickly. Standing on the stage were the two groups, the girls, and the boys. I started towards the girls instinctively; the stage manager stopped me and pointed over to where the four boys stood, talking excitedly to each other. I was sure he was mistaken and made my way over hesitantly. I’d made friends with one of them, Liam Payne, and rushed to his side immediately. The others looked at me sceptically._

_“What’s going on?” I whispered to him, holding on to his arm nervously. He shrugged and looked down the line of boys next to him._

_“We know about as much you do…” Liam replied under his breath, his eyes flickering between the four of us and the panel of judges. An air of anticipation filled the auditorium as we stood on the stage. I looked passed Liam at the other boys; Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles and Niall Horan. I’d spoken to Harry a few times, he was a lot of fun, he was best mates with Louis who was absolutely hilarious. Niall was the only one I hadn’t gotten to know. Whenever I tried to have a conversation with him, he would just blush and shy away. As I looked down the line, my eyes connected with the small blonde, baby-faced Irishman. He looked me up and down before his eyes fell to the floor as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets. Simon cleared his throat and held the microphone to his mouth._

_“Teagan, welcome,” He paused, and everyone looked at me. In a state of panic, I gave him a ‘sup’ nod; regretting it instantly as Louis and Niall snickered to each other, “Ok… so, what’s happened is we offered Zayn a chance, and he’s chosen not to take it; Nicole, Louis,” He pointed down the line at the other judges; Nicole Scherzinger from the Pussycat Dolls and Louis Walsh, “And I have had a discussion about it, and we think that you would be an amazing fit with the boys vocally. So what do you say?” I stood there with my eyes wide and my mouth agape; a million thoughts running through my mind. Liam nudged me in the side gently. Without really thinking it through, what the implications would be, I blurted out the first thing that came to me._

_“Yes! Of course, yes!” The boys huddled around me in a group hug, smiles breaking out onto their faces. As we bounced up and down on the spot excitedly, everything seemed to go in slow motion. As we made our way to the back of the stage I looked over in Simon’s direction, he was leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed across his chest. A toothy grin spread across his usually very serious features. I waved and mouthed a thank you, meaning it from the bottom of my heart. He nodded once and sent a fatherly wink my way._

_It was the beginning of the rest of my life, everything I’d ever dreamed of ... or so I thought._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	4. 2

 

**2013**

**2.**

Three years had gone by so fast; it was a whirlwind that never seemed to end. After six months of being away from home, we were still on tour and had another three months of dates remaining. It was rewarding but very draining. Not to mention for a good portion of this tour we’d had cameras following our every move, on and off stage, to film us for a movie; which I’m not going to lie got very annoying, very quickly. I sat at the back of the jet, with my headphones in watching random YouTube videos to pass the time. Yes, jet... sometimes we took the jet if we needed or just wanted to get somewhere faster than we could on our tour bus. I glanced down at my watch to check what time it was, not that it mattered; the people around me would get me where I needed to be at the right time, they had for the past three years, it wasn’t about to change now. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Louis tiptoeing up beside me. I sighed and pulled one of my earbuds out.

“Oh heeeyyyy…” He grinned as he stuffed a Sharpie in his pocket and sat down in the seat opposite me, “Thought you might ‘ave been sleepin’.”

“I learnt to not fall asleep around you boys a long, long time ago,” I said simply, raising my eyebrow. He fell back into the seat in defeat.

“She’s awake, mate.” He called out to Liam.

“Ah shit.” Came a groan from behind me.

“Sorry to disappoint.” I chuckled pulling the second earbud from my ear giving in knowing I was not going to get any peace on this flight.

“So, whatcha doooin?” Liam asked trying to sit on my armrest, to no avail.

“Watching porn?” Louis smirked yanking the laptop from my lap and turning it to face him.

“Yes, of course…” I said dryly rolling my eyes. I loved them all, I did; but I needed a break. It was all getting too much, and I was beginning to feel that if we didn’t take some time apart soon, it would all be over, for good. A couple of hours later we landed at LAX, waited for Harry and Niall’s plane to land and proceeded to get in our awaiting cars before heading straight for the hotel. Why did we have two separate jets? We also had two separate tour buses for the same reason. The short and official answer is because Harry and Niall don’t like Louis and Liam’s smoking, it doesn’t bother me, so I go where I’m told. The longer answer is… it’s complicated.

It was nearly midnight, and we were all overtired, passed sleep at this point. Four of us congregated in Harry’s room and did what we always do when we can’t or don’t want to sleep; ordered too much room service, played FIFA and watched terrible movies until we fell asleep. As usual, Louis found a way out of it; he was probably Skyping Eleanor all night. I technically wasn’t supposed to be in any of the boys’ rooms because ‘I’m a girl and it could cause issues something-something, blah blah…’ I forget the rest because it’s such bullshit, but you get it; so the next morning when there was knock at the door I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to hide.

“Original…” I heard Niall scoff. To say he and I didn’t get along would have been an understatement. We didn’t hate each other, but we certainly didn’t like each other. There was just something about him I couldn’t put my finger on, and it seemed like every little thing I did pissed him off; so I stayed out his way, and he stayed out of mine. Harry and Louis made their distaste for each much clearer, which is sad because they used to be best friends; no one knows what happened, and I doubt we ever will.

“Morning!” Harry chirped as he opened the door letting our ‘keepers’ in.

“Morning…” Paul, our tour managers’, voice filled the room, then there was some quiet shuffling and mumbling before the bathroom door burst open, “Will you be joining us?” He didn’t look surprised I was in there. I nodded and followed behind him into the room sheepishly. Louis had come in with Paul and was sitting on the bed with Liam, Niall, and Harry; they were all snickering at me as I sat down in the middle of the four of them. Paul took a deep breath as he glanced over his clipboard, “So, today is a busy one,” He started, “In the next hour I want you all dressed, and in the lobby then we’re off to the Staples Centre for a rehearsal and soundcheck. If you’re not downstairs in an hour, we will leave without you…” He raised his eyebrows waiting for a reply, “Well? We all clear?”

“Yes, Paul.” We all groaned.

“A bit of enthusiasm would be great.” He said trying to pump us up. The five of us just stared him blankly, a loud yawn coming from Niall. It was 7 am; One Direction does not do early mornings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	5. 3

****

 

**2013**

**3.**

“Niall, please sit still…” Lou begged as the Irish boy fidgeted in his seat while she tried to style his blonde mop into his trademark quiff. I sat cross-legged on the couch opposite the mirrors and played with Lux, our hairdresser’s daughter. She was colouring in a picture of one of the Disney princesses as she sang to herself. She reached for the box of crayons I was holding and pointed to the pink one. I smiled and handed it to her, and she beamed back at me. She held one of her tiny, chubby fingers to her chin thoughtfully as she thought about what to colour next. I giggled as she furrowed her brow, leaning forward putting all her effort into her masterpiece.

“Your turn for makeup, gorgeous.” My makeup artist, Sarah said to me as she finished setting up my set of brushes in front of her on the makeup table. I groaned loudly and scrunched up my nose.

“But-” I started to protest.

“No buts.” She walked over to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me up from the couch. Niall snickered from his seat.

“Ha. Butts…” I wanted to laugh, but our rocky relationship meant it wasn’t a good idea.

“Now, sit down,” She sat me down in the black director’s chair and handed me a cleansing wipe, “I know you hate this, but it’s only for a couple of hours, then it can come off, ok?” I nodded reluctantly as I wiped my face. It’s not that I hated having makeup on, it’s that I hated having it done; sitting there for over an hour sometimes is just tedious. The styling room door burst open, and Louis came waltzing in, with Liam trailing behind him giggling at something.

“I am in love.” He announced loudly to the room with his arms out wide.

“Look at you… walking into rooms, declaring things…” I smirked, raising my eyebrow at him.

“Shut up,” He retorted quickly making his way over to the couch, sitting down beside Lux and giving her a tickle on her little tummy, “Is anyone gonna ask who I’m in love with?” He asked, looking at us all expectantly, “No one?” He asked again as we continued to ignore him.

“If the answer is boobs, we already know,” Lou said as she put the finishing touches on Niall’s hair and makeup before shooing him out of the chair. Liam quickly took his place. A moment of silence went by before Louis replied.

“Fine… was just confirming…” He frowned joining Lux in her colouring. Niall collected his jacket and headed out, presumably, to catering to get his dinner. Forty minutes or so passed by and I started to get agitated. Liam had been and gone, and now Louis was getting his hair and makeup done, and I was still getting my makeup done.

“Are we done yet?!” I sighed loudly, clearly aggravated.

“I don’t know why you ask that you know we’re not.” Sarah frowned continuing on with her job. I felt a tug on my pant leg, and I opened my eyes. I looked down and saw baby Lux standing by my feet looking up at me with her big blue eyes. I leaned down and picked her up, sitting her down on my lap.

“Do you want your makeup done too, princess?” I smiled softly pointing to the products on the counter.

“Teagan, we really need to get this finished!”

“A couple of minutes won’t hurt anyone, take a chill pill!” I glared back at her before returning my focus to Lux. I stood up, heaving Lux onto my hip. With one arm she held onto me tightly, with the other, she reached out to grab a lipstick. I pulled her out just of reach and picked up a clean makeup brush. I tickled her adorably chubby cheeks with its bristles causing her to laugh hysterically. I placed the brush back down on the counter and dabbed my finger in a pot of decanted chapstick. I did ‘kissy lips’ at Lux, and she copied me then I tapped my finger lightly on her little lips. I pressed my lips together, and she copied me again, “Look at you,” She looked in the mirror and giggled, “Aren’t you a beautiful girl!” She just kept giggling and buried her head in my neck.

“Ok, breaks over.” I was ordered back into my seat.

“Here, I’ll take her.” Lou came over and took Lux from my arms who reluctantly went. I climbed back into my seat and slumped down, unexcited about continuing this process.

“Almost done,” Sarah said, trying to cheer me up.

“Yeah, then it’s only another hour for hair…” I sighed rolling my eyes melodramatically.

“And we get to do it all again tomorrow!” Louis chimed in from beside me. I turned to him and glared.  
_Lovable, sassy bastard…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	6. 4

****

 

**2013**

**4.**

It was our last night in LA at the Staples Centre; we were all dressed in our hair and makeup, just messing around backstage. I was chilling out with the 5 Seconds of Summer boys in their dressing room, annoying Ashton, with Michael, and Luke whom I may or may not have had a bit of a crush on.

“Ash... Ashton. ASSSHHHTTTOOON!”

“For Christ’s sake! WHAT?!” He shouted frustrated as he glared at us in the mirror.

“Nothing…” We all giggled girlishly from the couch as he rolled his eyes before continuing to primp his hair. He was fun to annoy.

“So…” Michael said turning to me, bored of annoying his best friend, “Has Nialler made a move yet?” He grinned mischievously. My jaw dropped, and I punched him in the shoulder lightly.

“That’s not funny!” I scrunched up my face in slight disgust at the idea. Michael rubbed his shoulder in mock pain.

“You’re telling me you don’t see the way he looks at you?” Ashton asked leaning against the dressing table, tapping his drumsticks on his thighs.

“Who we talking about?” Calum butted in sitting down on the couch, making himself comfortable.

“Niall,” Luke informed his bandmate.

“Oh yeah, he’s one hundred percent into you.” I burst out laughing and stood up heading for the door.

“You’re all mental; Niall hates me.”

“You think he hates you?” Luke frowned, biting his lip ring. He was too cute.

“Enough! You’re all crazy,” Holding up my hands, my eyes wide; I shook my head in disbelief as I opened the door, “Have a great show, guys…” I walked out feeling weird and confused. There was just no way. I made my way down the corridor to my dressing room; the boys got to share, and I felt like I missed out on a lot because I had to be separated just because I’m a girl. It didn’t matter; it never mattered; not to me and not to them. No matter what people say, they didn’t look at me in that way and vice versa. It was ridiculous to think that Niall, or any of the boys for that matter, would feel that way about me, wasn’t it… I’d never thought about it. I sat on the couch in my dressing room, alone, contemplating everything; then came a knock at the door, “Come in.” I said just loud enough to be heard.

“Hey!” Harry grinned as he came bounding into the room, jumping onto the couch and wrapping an arm around my shoulder, “Where have you been, young lady? We missed you at dinner.” I smiled softly and rested my head on his shoulder. I adored Harry; he was like the big brother I never had.

“What have you guys been up to?” I asked snuggling into his side just a little.

“Making Vines, eating, playing FIFA… the usual,” I nodded, and a silence filled the air, “Anyway my darling, I have come to get you for warm-ups!” He stood up and held out his hand for me to take. I laughed and accepted it, and as he pulled me up from the couch, he made a noise like he was lifting a two-tonne weight.

“Oi!” I chuckled.

“Just kidding,” He smirked as he headed for the door, “Shall we, M’lady? He asked in his most proper voice, bowing slightly.

“Thank you, good sir…” I said curtsying holding out my pretend skirt. This was something we’d always done; we’d seen an elderly couple do it at a McDonalds once during our X Factor days and ever since we’d just continued the tradition. It was our little inside joke that we thought was hilarious. Harry took my hand, and we walked out the door, heading down the corridor towards the boys dressing room. Our arms swung back and forth as we walked, I suppose I could understand the rumours about us if you looked at it from an outsider’s perspective, but it just simply wasn’t true; he was my best friend.

After our warm-ups and some more sitting around, we put in our IEMs (in-ear monitors) and then it was time to head to the stage. We were ushered under the stage by our security, and as the screams from the fans got louder, we got into our traditional preshow huddle with our hands in the middle of the circle. We sang a little song and made each other laugh, hyping each other up before we did the one, two, three, push and then making our way to our individual stage lifts after we were handed our microphones. As I crouched down on the platform, I glanced up at the intro video playing on the massive screen above me. I looked to my left and Liam was psyching himself up inwardly, to my right, the others were doing the same. My eyes landed on Niall, and he raised his eyebrows at me as if to say ‘what?’ I just shrugged and looked back at my feet. You’d never know that we didn’t along once we were on stage, just like Harry and Louis. They seemed like the best of friends; they could barely be in the same room for more than ten minutes without fighting; unless it was an interview or something. Liam just got along with everyone; he was such a sweetheart.

The video finished, the lights went down, and the music started, and we were rocketed up and onto the stage, as the show began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	7. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Photo manip below is by me and is one of the first I've ever done. It's not perfect but I'm pretty proud of it :)

****

 

**2013**

**5.**

“But why?” I was leaning against my hotel room door eavesdropping on a conversation between Paul and Niall.

“Because you two have to get over whatever this is eventually, it’s ridiculous and besides the other boys have already left.”

“What?! Why did nobody tell me?!” Niall shouted.

“You took too long to get ready; we couldn’t just have them waiting around for you.”

“This is bullshit. I would’ve hurried up if I had known I had to share a car with _her_!” The disdain when he said ‘her’ was overwhelming. If I hadn’t have heard a version of this conversation a hundred times before I would almost be hurt, but I wasn’t; just dejected and fed up. I furrowed my brow and pulled open the door with purpose. The two men turned and looked at me wide-eyed.

“Wow, you look lovely Teags,” Paul said, his smile wavering as he looked between myself and Niall. I’d say I looked ok, it wasn’t what I would have chosen for myself, but it matched what the boys wanted to wear. I was wearing a black tailored suit with silk lapels, and a slightly ruffled silk blouse underneath. My black Louboutin heels were tall enough to be just somewhat uncomfortable but not unbearable. My makeup was subtle, the way I liked it, but with extra touches such as false lashes and dark red lipstick. My hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of my head with some loose strands falling to frame my face.

“Thank you.” I smiled at him before crossing my arms and scowling at Niall, who did nothing but stare at his feet, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

“Alrighty, we ready to go?” Paul asked no one in particular. I nodded, and Niall shrugged his shoulders slightly, still fascinated with the patterns on the carpet. We headed out of the hotel and into the car to go down to the premiere of our film; This Is Us. Niall stared at his phone the whole time while I looked out the window and tried to remember the answers to all the prep questions we’d been given.

“You excited?” My head snapped around when I heard the voice come from beside me.

“Were you talking to me?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, genuinely surprised.

“Who are you? Robert De Niro? There’s no one else here; I must be talking to you…” Niall said dryly, rolling his eyes.

“Ha…ha…” I pretended to laugh returning to gazing out the window.

“Well? Are you excited?” He pushed on.

“Yes and no.” I sighed not looking in his direction.

“What do you mean?” He asked, I looked at him, and he was staring at his phone again.

“I’m excited about the premiere and for people to see it but I’m also not excited because you’re gonna be there…” I smirked. He turned to look at me slowly, glaring intensely.

“You’re such a-”

“We’re here! Smiles, happy faces!” Our publicist called out as the car door was yanked open. I stepped out of the car first and adjusted my suit jacket, putting on my biggest and best smile as the cameras started flashing. I went where I was told and answered the hundreds of questions that were asked of me before going over to the fans who were behind barricades and taking some selfies and signing some autographs. I was almost done with that section of the day when I heard some young girls scream out;

“I hate you Teagan!”

“Yeah! You’re such an ugly bitch!”

As the only girl in the band with four guys, I was sort of used to this; I got it on Twitter and Instagram a lot, but never directly to my face. I was shaken, I wasn’t sure what to do or say. The screams from the crowd in front of me became increasingly louder; I felt someone come up beside me and an arm wrap around my shoulders.

“You alright?” The smooth sound of Liam’s voice filled my ears, and I felt instantly calmer.

“I will be.” I smiled softly.

“Don’t listen to them; you’re beautiful.” He whispered in my ear, rubbing my arm soothingly. I chuckled, ignoring his lovely compliment and nudged myself away from Liam’s arms before the fans could come up with some more rumours. One day it’s Tarry, then it’s Touis, then Tiam and the one that annoyed me the most; Tiall… all false and utterly ridiculous.

“C’mon, let’s go watch us…” I grinned at him. After standing with the boys for some group photos we were ushered inside where we chatted with our friends and family for a while. Before the film was supposed to start, Simon and the director said a few words and thanked a few people while the five of us stood awkwardly beside them and smiled for the cameras.

“Do any of you have anything you’d like to say?” Simon asked us. We all looked at Harry to fill his usual role as our collective voice. He smiled and did so, calmly and coolly. He may have been the youngest of us, but he was the most charming and his presence was commanding; when he walked into a room, people just stopped and stared, when he spoke people listened. There was just something about Harry. After he finished speaking everyone in the theatre applauded, and we all took our seats with our families, to finally see the film in its entirety.

“Your dad would be so proud of you.” My mum smiled lovingly, taking hold of my hand and gripping it gently.

“Thanks, mum.” I smiled back giving her hand a squeeze as the opening titles came on the screen.

“That’s you!” She whispered excitedly beside me as I popped up on the screen. I covered my face, giggling with embarrassment. It was going to be a long night.

After the premiere, we went to an after-party at an exclusive club in London. We had been warned to not drink too much because we had interviews, press and other boring meetings the next day, but as usual none of us listened. I was on to my fifth, possibly sixth vodka and lemonade when Louis dragged me onto the dancefloor where Eleanor, Liam, Harry and some girls that had attached themselves to the boys were already dancing.

“Oi, oiiii! This shit is my fucking jam!” He was passed wasted at this point; it was always hilarious. As he jumped around to the music I stood there awkwardly sipping on my drink through the straw, chewing it just a little bit; I’d always hated being in these situations. Harry was making out with some girl on my left, Liam was making out with another on my right, and Eleanor and Louis were trying their hardest to get me involved in all the fun. All I could think about was how disrespectful Niall had been earlier at the hotel, and how mad it had made me. Tipsy Teagan decided that now was the perfect time to resolve all this fighting; I looked around and tried to spot his blonde quiff. I shoved passed Louis and stumbled through the crowd looking for the Irishman.

_Where are you, you stupid blonde dumb-dumb… Nope, not in here… oh no, I’m gonna-nope swallowed it, all gooood… I could really go for some McDonalds right now! I’m so-_

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Niall talking to a brunette in a corner; one hand on her waist the other caressing her cheek. I felt very nauseous; as he leaned in the feeling got worse. My chest started to tighten, and hands were clammy. Their lips touched, and I felt incredibly light headed. I hurried outside as quickly as I could and leaned against the nearest wall to try and catch my breath.

_What is wrong with me?! I don’t care about Niall or who he’s with… I’ve seen him with girls before, and it’s never been an issue, so I need to just calm down…. I don’t care; I like Luke! I’ve just had too much to drink… yeah, that’s it, too much vodka. This is not a thing._

“You ok?” Liam asked seeming to appear out of nowhere, startling me. I took a deep breath and nodded, still unable to form proper words, and slightly scared that any words I might say may betray me. He looked at me sceptically as he lit up his cigarette. He took a long drag, blew out the smoke slowly, and turned to me, “You look like you’re about to be sick all over my shoes… talk to me, babe.” He said concern in his voice; he leaned against the wall next to me. I sighed deeply and couldn’t help the bubble of incredulous laughter that escaped my lips.

“I’m fine, really, I am…” I said, trying to convince him, “I’ve just had too much to drink,” I pushed myself off the wall and put my hands on my hips, “I’m gonna head back to the hotel…”

“You sure?” He asked raising his eyebrows, not buying my story at all.

“Yeah, totally.” Liam threw his cigarette on the ground putting it out with the ball of his shoe. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly.

“You can always talk to me; you know that?” He reminded me quietly in my ear. I nodded, burying my face in his shoulder. I said my goodbyes to everyone inside, avoiding Niall and the girl, before getting into the awaiting car and heading back to the hotel. I trudged into my room, fell onto my bed and stared up at the roof. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep just wanting to forget this night and everything that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	8. 6.1

****

**2013**

**6.1**

“Good first show back everyone,” As we sat in the shuttle bus heading back to the hotel Paul was giving us a pep talk, “Ran very smoothly, very encouraging. Let’s do our best to make every night like this one,” We weren’t really listening but tried our hardest to appear like we were, “Yes?”

“Yes.” Came a chorus from the five of us. As I stared out of the window at the scenery in Adelaide, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Psst!” Louis leaned forward from the backseat and tried to whisper, “Creep in?” I shook my head subtly trying to avoid getting caught by Paul, not that he would understand what we were talking about if he did catch us; the five of us had our own secret language. I know how farfetched that sounds, but it was very beneficial in some situations. It was mostly just words replaced with synonyms for that word; so ‘creep in’ really means, ‘sneak out’, it’s not hard once you know. It’s more difficult if you’re in an interview/public situation, so there’s a lot of hand signals as well.

“Aw, nervous track down!” Liam said nudging me, meaning ‘what, scared of getting caught?’. I shook my head again.

“Cease!” I frowned at the two of them, telling them to stop. Niall turned around in his seat and furrowed his brow at the three of us.

“If she doesn’t want to come out with us, then stop asking.” I raised my eyebrows, confused.

_Was he standing up for me? Or was he just making sure I didn’t go out with them?_

“No one is going out! Not tonight,” We’d been busted, Paul looked at the five of us disapprovingly, “You have a show tomorrow, and one the day after that. Then we’re going straight to Perth; you have a few days off there, you might be able to go out then; we’ll see.” Louis rolled his eyes and rested his head back on his headrest as he crossed his arms.

“Whatever.” He mumbled as he turned to look out the window.

It was spring in Australia and in London that would mean rain and the occasional day of sunshine, but here it was just sunny and warm all the time; not really my cup of tea. All the boys loved it and couldn’t wait to get to the nearest beach, or pool. Meanwhile, I just wanted to sit in my room and read, or play FIFA. If we went out, anywhere, we would get mobbed by fans. They always knew where we were going to be, where we were going to go; it was kind of creepy. They were always one step ahead of us.

After the third night in Adelaide, we left the venue and straight to the airport, got on the jets and headed to Perth. We had an early morning rehearsal at Perth Arena then we would have free time until the night when we had to do some songwriting, together, as a group. I shuddered internally at the thought; it never ended well. Someone was always in a huff; someone eventually storms out, someone would subsequently cry – usually me, occasionally one of the boys, rarely though.

“I cannot wait for the shows in Melbourne, it’s gonna be fucking sick! My cousins live there, and they’ve told me-” Niall had told this story a thousand times; the legend of the hot Aussie chicks that’ll ‘put out’ if you buy them one beer… such a lovely thought; undoubtedly bullshit.  I rolled my eyes melodramatically and sunk lower into my chair as we waited in the foyer area of the arena, for the shuttle buses to take us back to the hotel. The stage would be set up by tomorrow morning, and we could have a proper rehearsal then, but it’s basically the same each night. Opening video plays, pop up through the stage, two songs, say hello, two more songs, my turn for a little break, back on stage, sing, talk etc. until it’s time for the encore, then it’s over, and we leave as quickly as we can. I was in a world of my own when two hands grasped my shoulders from behind and shook me gently causing me to let out a small squeal.

“Alright, calm down!” I turned in my seat to see the smiling face of Luke, which caused me to giggle like a school girl. He sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side, “What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” I shrugged and buried my face into his shoulder, feeling my cheeks getting redder by the second. I heard a loud sigh from beside me and out of the corner of my eye I saw Niall stand up and walk off; not sure where to but Paul would never lose him.

“So what are we up to tonight?” Michael asked as he, Ashton and Calum joined the rest of us.

“We’re writing tonight…” Louis said miserably as he twiddled his thumbs.

“You’re more than welcome to join us for a drink at the hotel.” Liam offered with a genuine smile. Ashton and Calum whispered to each other, Calum turned and nodded at Michael and then all three looked at Luke with and a shared anticipatory stare.

“Mmk.” He shrugged. In an excited mumble, the boys started to organise the night. If Luke was going to be there, in close proximity to me, drinking, I was excited. All manner of thoughts started to run through my mind.

_I need new clothes… I have to look cute, but not like I’m trying… he smells so damn good; I could literally stay here forever…_

“Alrighty, gang! Let’s get a move on!” Our manager said as two shuttle buses pulled up, “Okay the seating plan is as follows, bus one; Teagan, Liam, Louis, and Harry, -” Harry ran his fingers through his hair angrily as he stormed onto the bus, “Oi! None of that today…” Louis flipped him the bird as he too got onto the bus and flopped down his seat crossing his arms, glaring at the back of Harry’s head like a petulant child. Paul rolled his eyes and sighed looking down at his clipboard, “One day of peace, that’s all I ask for…” He mumbled to himself, “Bus two; Luke, Ashton, Michael, Calum and… where’s N-”

“Here,” Niall said as he came running from the direction of the toilets and over to the 5SOS boys. I reluctantly pulled my face from Luke’s shoulder and tried to sit up a little. Luke’s grip tightened around my shoulders pulling me closer to his side, causing me to blush an even deeper shade of red as he kissed my temple. It felt like it was all in slow motion as he got up and walked away, hoisting his backpack onto his shoulder, he winked at me, smirking slightly.

“See you later…”

“TEAGAN! HURRY UP!” Paul shouted from the front seat. I jumped up from my chair, clutching my handbag to my chest and ran onto the bus and falling into a seat beside Liam. As I put on my seatbelt as the bus started up, I peered out my window and saw Niall taking a selfie with the boys. As I watched them as our bus started to pull away, I couldn’t stop the argument the tiny voices inside my head were having.

_I wish that that was me._  
_What are you even wishing for though?! To be in a selfie with the boys? You have heaps of those. Admit it; you like him! You always ha-_  
_SHUT UP ME! I like Luke… I like Luke._  
_Ok, whatever you say…_  
_Don’t look at me like that!_  
_Look at you like what? I’m you’re sub-conscious, I’m not looking at you like anything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	9. 6.2

****

**2013**

**6.2**

That night Harry and I were sitting on the hotel room floor, going over potential lyrics, while Niall sat on the couch absentmindedly plucking the strings on his guitar. Liam and Louis were outside on the balcony having a cigarette break. My shopping trip that afternoon had been a success, and I’d only been stopped once, by a boy who couldn’t have been older than 14 who wanted a selfie and a hug. I bought a white off the shoulder top from a shop called Forever New, which was not usually somewhere I’d shop but was now officially in my top ten favourite stores; I’d made a mental note to tell my stylist about it. I also bought a pair of black ballerina flats, not very me, but I thought they were cute. I’m more of a black converse, skinny jeans and a hoodie type girl, I don’t particularly like girly things, but I’ll do it if necessary. I paired the blouse and flats with some of my old black skinny jeans, so it didn’t look like I was trying too hard. I had some simple gold hoops in my ears and a thin chain around my neck that fell just into my cleavage. I decided not to go overboard, so I didn’t do anything crazy with my hair and just put it up in a messy high ponytail.

“Why are you all dressed up?” Harry asked with a smug smile on his face; he knew the answer.

“I’m not…” I lied, terribly.

“Teagan, Teagan, Teagan…” He sighed shaking his head, “You have mascara and lipgloss on and we’re not going on stage or on telly so…” _Damn, he’s observant!_

“The fun has arrived!” Ashton called out as he barged into the room, a bottle of vodka in one hand, a bottle of tequila in the other. Michael and Calum came crashing into the room right after him, jumping onto the couch and fighting over the remote with Niall. Ashton joined us on the floor after he grabbed some shot glasses. Luke was on the phone when he casually strolled in wearing his flannel shirt, biting his lip ring between his teeth; it drove me crazy, “Sorry we’re late, princess over here had to get his hair juuuust perfect…” Ashton smirked as he poured nine shots of vodka.

“Fuck you,” Luke said as he shoved his phone into his pocket and joined us on the floor.

“Aw, love you too.” Ashton grinned. The rest of the boys joined the circle we’d made on the carpet, and we passed around the first shot of the night.

“Here is to…” Liam started.

“DRINK!” Niall roared holding up his glass before downing the clear liquid. We all did the same quickly; I’d forgotten how revolting it was on its own.

“Urgh!” Harry laughed, his face contorted, hating the taste of the vile alcohol.

“AGAIN!” Michael shouted as he poured another round. I covered my glass with my hand, but he pushed it away, “Don’t be a baby!” He snickered as he clumsily poured the shot. After two more shots of vodka, everyone decided that was enough, and that tequila was a better idea. Liam got on the hotel phone and called reception to order some limes and salt from room service. We were confident management wouldn’t suspect anything dubious was going on when they got the bill in a few days. After all, what is suspicious about ordering limes and salt at 1.30 in the morning? I took one, maybe two tequila shots before I needed to get some fresh air. I headed onto the balcony and took in my surroundings.

_Australia really is beautiful._

“Not as beautiful as you…” My head snapped around at the speed of lightning at the sound of Luke’s voice.

“W-What?” I managed to ever so eloquently muster. He smiled that million dollar smile at me as he slid the door closed behind him and stepped out onto the balcony beside me. He rested his forearms on the railing and took a deep breath in before looking at me.

“You said, Australia really is beautiful; and I said, not as beautiful as you…” I put my hands over my face in embarrassment. He stood up straight and turned towards me, “What’s wrong?”

“Did I say that out loud?” I asked looking at him biting my lip awkwardly, “You must think I’m insane. I don’t normally go around just talking to mys-” He wrapped his arms around me as a small bubble of laughter escaped his lips.

“Everyone talks to themselves,” He tried to reassure me as he held me tightly. He held me out at arm’s length and looked me directly in the eye. His sky blue eyes were captivating, just like his cologne, “I don’t think you’re insane. I think you are funny and talented and smarter than anyone I know. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I really like you, Teagan.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t have a chance to react before I realised Luke’s mouth was on mine, and he was kissing me, but I wasn’t kissing back.

_Close your fucking eyes and kiss him back, you twat!_  
_Is this really what I want… I mean-_  
_SHUT UP AND KISS HIM BACK!_

I closed my eyes tight as I felt his tongue run across my bottom lip. As it entered my mouth and slid around like a slippery eel, something felt incredibly off. We were in a gorgeous setting; he liked me, I liked him… didn’t I? So why did it feel so wrong? Luke pulled away only briefly to then connect his mouth to my neck. It felt nice but still weird… I turned my head and looked through the glass doors of the balcony that led back into the suite. The feeling I should’ve had during this kiss with Luke erupted when I saw him sat on the couch texting, occasionally sipping his beer.

Niall.

_Oh shit…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	10. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Photo manip below is by me, not my best work but still alright XD

****

**2013**

**7.**

Our last date in Australia was in Melbourne on October 30th, and that was also our last night with 5SOS as our support. Luke was devastated, and without sounding heartless, I was kind of glad. After the show, we all thought it would be a great idea to go to Crown Casino for a bit of an after party and to let off some steam. There were a few clubs, bars and things to do inside, so after a while, we all went our separate ways with our security tailing not far behind. Luke and I sat outside on the balcony of ‘Lumia’, and as I sipped my vodka and lemonade, I felt him staring at me, as usual. I sighed deeply and looked over at him. He smiled softly and kissed my cheek.

“How about we head back to your room, have an early night?” Luke whispered in my ear. I found it hard to say no to him and his puppy dog eyes. I nodded, and he stood up as I placed my unfinished drink on the table beside me. He was already over at the door waiting for me before I had even stood up. I helped myself off the couch and followed Luke inside then back to the hotel which was adjacent to Crown. We said goodnight to my security and Luke, and I walked into my room. I placed my clutch on the table in the entrance and turned to face him.

“Five minutes?” I said with a small smile. Luke placed a gentle kiss on my lips and smiled back at me. I walked swiftly into the bathroom and shut the door behind me, locking myself in. I had never intended things with Luke to go on as long as they did, but again, those eyes… that face, I couldn’t break his heart. I stared at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. The fact that I had to psych myself up for this really said something.

 _Come on; you can do this…_  
_Yeah but-_  
_I know, just lie back and think of-_  
_NO! That’s basically cheating… right?_  
_You’re an idiot. Look, it’ll be over in a few minutes anyway!_  
_Good point. Ok, here goes…_

“Babe?” I heard Luke’s muffled voice come from the bedroom.

“Yep, coming,” I called back. I took one more deep breath, unlocked the door and walked back into the room. Luke was laying on the bed, hands behind his head, in nothing but his ninja turtle boxers.

“All good?” He asked with raised eyebrows. I nodded in response and started to undress. Luke watched me closely as I undid the buttons on my skinny jeans, kicking my shoes off in the process and then pushed my jeans down my legs. As I stepped out of them, I lifted my shirt up over my head and walked towards the bed. Sex with Luke was not how I dreamt it would be. The first time was pretty great, not mind-blowing, but good enough. He’s just not a foreplay guy. Don’t get me wrong; he’s all for getting it, just not for giving it. I lay down beside him on the bed, fingers trailing up and down his pale chest. He turned towards me and kissed me deeply. He shifted his body, so he was on top of me, my fingers found their way to his hair. He broke the kiss and sat up. I pushed myself up, so I was sitting as well, and he looked into my eyes, “I’m going to miss you so much, baby.” I placed a light kiss on his lips.

“It’s not like we’ll never see each other… cos we will; it just won’t be all day, every day.” I said trying to be logical. I reached behind my back and undid the clasp of my bra. It fell from my shoulders, and I tossed it across the room. I reached out to Luke, and a gentle smirk played on his lips, connecting his mouth to my neck as we fell back down into the pillows. As our underwear found its way to the floor he mumbled something, I couldn’t quite make it out, but I hoped it wasn’t what I thought. After rolling a condom onto his length, he took hold of himself and pushed inside me. His head was buried in the crook of my neck, clinging to me as he moved in and out of me slowly. After a moment he broke away and looked deeply into my eyes, and that’s when he said it, the three words that tore my heart in two.

“I love you,” I bit my lip and pulled him back to me, his lips by my ear. As he continued to say it over, and over again, his voice was laced with desperation like he needed me to say it back, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to lie to him. As corny and as cliché as it sounded, my heart belonged to someone else. I was in love with someone I could never be with. I loved to hate him, but at the same time, I hated to love him. He was like a conundrum, wrapped in an enigma, dipped in bleach and Guinness; Niall. Fucking. Horan... Luke let out a loud groan from above me and collapsed on my chest. I ran my hand up and down his back soothingly for a moment before he rolled onto his side of the bed and discarded the used condom. I reached over and turned off the lamp as he pulled the covers over us, before snuggling into my side with his head on my shoulder, one arm wrapped firmly around my waist, “I really am so in love with you.” He whispered, kissing my shoulder tenderly before drifting off to sleep. I stared up at the ceiling cursing myself silently; a single tear fell from my eye and onto the pillow.

_What that fuck are you doing, Teagan…?_

The next morning I awoke to my phone’s alarm going off. I jumped out of bed after stopping the irritating noise and headed for the bathroom only to bump into Luke. I hated using the shower after him; there was always water everywhere in the bathroom.

“Morning…” I said with a small smile. He faked a smile as he pushed passed me to retrieve his clothes from around the room, “You alright?” I asked, frowning. He shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed in his towel. I didn’t think anything of it as I walked into the bathroom, had my shower and got ready for the day. When I came out Luke was sitting on the bed but now fully dressed, staring down at his shoes, “Seriously, are you ok?” I asked as I sat next to him placing a hand on his knee. After a minute or two, he took a shaky breath and looked at me.

“You didn’t say it back.”

“What?” I tried to feign confusion. I’d always been a terrible liar.

“I told you that I’m in love with you, and you didn’t say anything…” He looked so hurt, so broken, “I want you to be honest with me. Do you love me?” I gave him the most honest answer I could, at that moment.

“One day I could,” I interlaced my fingers with his as I scooted a bit closer beside him, “I just need time…”

“Ok,” He nodded seeming to accept my answer. I leaned in and kissed him softly, he placed his hand on the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. We broke apart, and he rested his forehead against mine, “I won’t pressure you, take all the time you need. Remember, I love you with all my heart.” He deserved so much better. I kissed his lips quickly and went about getting ready and packing my suitcase. I was almost finished when Luke spoke up from the sofa, “Babe?”

“Mmm?” I replied as I placed the last pair of converse in my bag.

“Have we ever taken a selfie together?” I furrowed my brow as I thought about it.

“I don’t think we have…” I felt Luke tugging me towards the mirror in the entrance way.

“Here, you take it,” He handed me his phone, and I saw that I was his lock screen. I held the phone up as he placed his lips on my cheek and I quickly took the picture. I passed the phone back to him and chuckled as he gushed about it, “This is my new favourite thing, ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	11. 8

****

**2013**

**8.**

The Take Me Home Tour ended in Japan on the 3rd November, but our job wasn’t finished. It never was. We had a new album coming out on the on the 25th that we had to promote – although it had already been leaked; then and only then could we take some time off for Christmas. Then we were filming a new music video on the 28th December for the title track of the album; Midnight Memories. After that, we got a few weeks off before it started all again next year.

“URGH!” Harry grumbled from the seat next to me on the plane as he did everything he could to get comfortable, “Hmmph!”

“What is your problem?!” I finally said after twenty minutes of him shuffling about incessantly. He sat up straight and whipped his eye mask off his head, hurling it across the plane.

“I’m uncomfortable. I’m tired. I’m homesick and not to mention my trousers keep riding up and-” I bit the inside my cheek trying not to laugh, “It’s not funny!” He whined stomping his foot, trying to hide his own smile while doing so. We snuggled up and managed to get comfortable enough to fall asleep while watching Harry’s favourite film; The Notebook. The plane landed at LAX a few hours later, and we disembarked one at a time with our carry-on luggage. We said quick goodbyes to each other because knew once we were out of the gate it would be madness. As we made our way through the terminal, the sounds of shrill screams became louder and louder.

“That was fast…” Louis laughed.

“They’re always fast…” Liam yawned, heaving his backpack up by its straps. Our security let us stop for a moment to sign things and take a few photos. Once it was safe for us to move through the crowd, we hurried to our awaiting cars. Before I stepped into the vehicle, I looked over at Harry who was smiling kindly in my direction and gave him a little wave. I jumped inside, and the door was slammed shut behind me. I took my phone out of coat pocket and turned it back on as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I sighed dramatically looking through my missed calls and unread messages.

Missed Calls -

 _Lukas (4)_  
Mum (2)  
Kristy  
Lou

Unread Messages -

 ** _Mum_**          
 - Luke called me; he’s very worried about you, please call him when you land.

 ** _Lewis_**         
 - i dont give a shit he fukin started it

 ** _Payno_  **       
 - Have you seen my red bandana?  
 - NM :)

 ** _Niall_     **       
 - Your so beautiful babe  
 - Shit.  
 - Wrong person.

 ** _Lukas_   **       
 - i love you  
 - i can’t wait to see you next week baby  
 - i miss you  
 - how’d the flight go?  
 - why are you ignoring me…  
 - are you mad at me or something :\  
 - :’(

I answered the texts in my mind, knowing I would probably never reply to any of them.  
  
_Yep, will do mother_  
_No Louis, you fucking started it… as usual._  
_… ok, Liam._  
_Wait… babe?! Who the fuck is Niall calling babe?!_

I took a deep, shaky breath and was about to send Louis a paragraph or two about it when I received another text from Luke.

 ** _Lukas_  **        
 - whatever i did i’m sorry <3 

I couldn’t help but smile inwardly, loving that he cared for me so much. I went into my contacts and dialled his number, he answered almost immediately.

“TEAGS! Oh my god, I thought something was wrong, are you ok? You’re ok, right?” His voice panic-stricken, I looked down at my lap and smiled slightly thinking how lucky I was to have him.

“Yeah hun, I’m fine… I’m just leaving the airport now.” I ran my fingers through my hair, shaking out the knots.

“I was worried,” He replied, “After I called the boys and Paul, I called your mum because I couldn’t get hold of you…”

“Luke,” I sighed exasperatedly, “I was on a plane, you knew that…”

“Yeah but-” He interjected, “It’s not just the plane, is it?! I’ve barely spoken to you for two weeks now and from going from being together all day, every day for over five weeks to being expected only to see and speak to you when? When it’s convenient? I’m not some fan Teagan; I’m your boyfriend-”

“Hey!” I stopped his rant, my tone defensive, “Where has this come from?” I frowned, lowering my voice as the car pulled up at my apartment and my security opened my door to let me out, “What’s wrong?” There was a pause before he let out a deep sigh.

“What’s wrong is I’ve been sitting out here in the cold waiting for an hour, and I need a cuddle…” It sounded like his voice had an echo to it; I looked down at my phone in confusion as I stepped out of the vehicle. When I looked back up, I saw his smiling face beaming back at me with his lanky arms outstretched, “So if you wouldn’t mind…” I let out a squeal and ran forward, leaping into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He held me up by my thighs as we stood on the side of the road, his face buried in my neck, “I fucking missed you, baby.” He whispered. I pulled back, tears welling up in my eyes and rested my forehead against his, looking into his enchanting baby blues.

“I missed you too.” He lowered me down and pressed his soft lips against mine. Somehow he always tasted like some kind of candy; that night it was Skittles. I dragged Luke inside my apartment by the front of his shirt, followed soon after by my security, who carried my bags inside. I thanked him, and he left, not before letting me know he’d be back in a couple of days to take me to our live stream event and album launch.

“Do you have anything to eat?” Luke called out from the kitchen. I shut the front door and leaned against it, glad to finally be home.

“Babe, I haven’t been here in months… everything in that fridge is probably off.” I pushed myself off the door and made way into the kitchen where Luke was examining the open refrigerator. I took my coat off and dropped it on the counter beside Luke’s hoodie.

“I’m starving,” He declared, closing the doors and looking at me in defeat, “Wanna order something?” I looked at my watch; it was 10:47, there were definitely still take-out places open in LA.

“Pizza?” I asked.

“You know me so well.” He said, his infectious grin spreading across his face. Of course, I couldn’t help but smile back. He ordered a pepperoni pizza, his favourite, while he helped me unpack. I was in the bedroom sorting darks from lights when he bounced from the lounge giggling to himself. I turned around to see what was so funny and burst out laughing.

“What _are_ you doing?”

“Aren’t I sexy…” He joked in a feminine voice, pouting his lips. Luke had taken one of my bras and had put it on over his shirt.

“Always baby,” I laughed as he strutted around the room. I reached for my phone and opened the camera, “Hey Lukeeey…”

“Ye- don’t you dare…” With that I snapped the photo and ran downstairs, guarding my phone with my life, “DELETE IT!” He shouted chasing after me.

“Never!” And I never did. Once our pizza arrived, Luke and I sat and ate our food cuddled on my sofa, while watching Monsters Inc.

“Ahh, I love that movie…” Luke smiled, as the credits started to roll, “But not as much I love you.” He whispered kissing my temple. Something swirled inside my stomach that had never been there before.  
_Is it possible to feel this way about two people at the same time?!_

Then it just fell out of my mouth, and it was too late to take it back, even if I wanted to.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	12. 9

****

**2013**

**9.**

“No... you hang up. Noo... you hang up!” Niall smiled into his phone as he FaceTimed her. I was lying on the sofa in the dressing room, clutching a cushion over my face. I’d been listening to the same incessant drivel for fifteen minutes, “I love you more. Nooo, I love you mo-” I let out a loud, frustrated groan as I threw the pillow across the room.

“Oh for fuck’s sake! Enough already! Jesus!” I sat up running my fingers through my hair angrily.

“What’s your prob-” Niall glared at me.

“How about we go for a drive?” Harry interjected pulling me from the couch and out the door. Our security ran behind us, trying to keep up as Harry and I got into his Range Rover. We did up seatbelts as they climbed into the backseat.

“You guys cannot run off like that!” Harry’s security panted, trying to get his breath back. Harry ignored him, rolling his eyes as he started the engine, “You’ve gotta be back on set in 30 minutes so wherever we’re going, let’s make it local, yeah?” We took off and headed down the road.

“Why do you let him irritate you so much?” Harry asked after a few moments of silence. I shrugged as I played with the dials on the dashboard trying to find a station I liked, “Uhb buh buh! No! I’ve got it pre-set to my favourites. Just pick one of those, stop fiddling and answer the damn question.” I rolled my eyes dramatically and slumped down in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Tell me why Louis gets under your skin, and I’ll tell you Niall gets under mine...” I smirked knowing he would never give me an answer.

“Fine,” My head snapped around to face Harry my eyes wide, “Louis is a dick, that’s why... your turn.” I shook my head and tutted at him.

“Oh, no way pal!” As we pulled into the parking lot of the frozen yoghurt place around the corner from the studio, Harry turned to our security in the backseat.

“Can we have a second, guys?” They nodded and got out of the car, and waited close by for us. Harry undid his seatbelt and turned off the engine and turned to me, looking me in the eye. I wanted to look away; sometimes Harry’s eyes could be too intense and caused me to feel slightly uncomfortable.

“I don’t know what you want me to say…” I mumbled averting my gaze and looking down at my lap.

“I’m your best friend, tell me the truth. I know you’ve never gotten along, but something’s been different for ages now! What’s going on?” I sighed and played with the hem of my shirt. I took a deep breath and said the words I hated to admit to even myself.

“I’m in love with him…” My voice was so quiet, barely a whisper. Harry just nodded thoughtfully the way he always did.

“And, what about Luke?” He asked after a moment.

“I love him… I do,” I sighed deeply and let out a shaky breath before continuing, “I don’t know what to do. I think part of me always loved Niall, but I just didn’t realise until it was too late. Now he has a girlfriend, and I have Luke, so that’s that…” I sniffled as the tears started to well up in my eyes. I’d finally told someone, finally gotten it off my chest and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I sat waiting for my lecture, but it never came.

“I know how you feel, probably better than anyone…” I frowned as I looked over at my best friend, “Not being able to be with the one you really love.” I looked into his eyes, and then it hit me, like a tonne of bricks.  
_Louis…_

“Harry…” I placed my hand on his, and he smiled at me softly.

“Now, now… don’t go throwing labels around. You know I hate that!” He laughed, “I love everyone equally!” I wanted to leap across the car and give him the tightest hug possible. My best friend in the world was essentially coming out to me; not gay, not bi, just same old Harry. I was so happy he felt comfortable enough to tell me after all these years, but I also felt an overwhelming sadness for him, for the pain he must feel every day having to hide this secret.

“Does anyone else know?” I asked squeezing his hand gently. He shook his head and looked down at his lap.

“Besides you, Simon and…” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his voice wavering slightly, “Louis. No one knows.”

“Not even your Mum?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“Oh, she probably knew before I even did but it’s not like we’ve had a discussion…” Out of the corner of my eye, I could see people starting to gather, hoping for a selfie or an autograph.

“So you and Louis?” Harry’s brow furrowed as he shook his head and took another deep breath.

“Nothing happened,” He shrugged. I didn’t believe him, “Honestly, he was my best friend, besides you, and I just developed feelings I shouldn’t have… Eleanor showed up one day, my heart was broken and uh… I told him and...” The sadness on Harry’s face was overwhelming. One small tear trickled down his cheek, and he wiped it away quickly, “And he told me to get out.” I undid my seatbelt and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him to me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered into his hair, leaving a kiss on the top of his head.

“Yeah, me too…” We stayed like that for a moment before he pulled away and wiped his face, “Come on, that frozen yoghurt won’t eat itself!” I chuckled as we both got out of the car. Harry wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we walked into towards the shop.

“We are quite the pair, aren’t we?” I mused. He gave my shoulder a squeeze and smiled.

“You’ll always have me; we can be broken together.” Once we’d had our frozen yoghurt and placated the awaiting fans, we returned to the studio to finish the live stream of 1D Day.

“I can’t wait to go on this break and get away from her and her constant nagging!” I heard Niall say as we entered the building. I looked at Harry and raised my eyebrows.

“You see what I mean! When do I ever nag anyone, about anything?” I whispered angrily. He held his finger to his lips and shushed me as we lingered outside the dressing room door, eavesdropping on Niall’s phone conversation.

“I’m just so done with her! I can’t stand her; she annoys the shit out of me Deo! Niall do this, Niall buy me that…” I gasped.  
_He’s talking about HER!_

“Oh my God!”

“There you two are, we’ve been looking all over for you. You’re on in 10, ok?” Ben told us as he ran around backstage trying to organise everyone. Harry and I walked into the room casually, like we hadn’t heard anything.

“I’m just gonna use the loo,” He informed Niall and myself, “Don’t kill each other while I’m gone.” He grinned as he walked off. I sat down on the couch opposite to Niall; he glanced up at me from his phone and raised an eyebrow.

“Where’d you guys go?” He asked sitting his phone on the seat beside him, actually making eye contact with me for the first time, I think, ever.

“Just down the road to the frozen yoghurt place; got mobbed, so we had to come back.”

“Get me anything?” I tilted my head, frowning slightly.

“If I did, wouldn’t you be afraid I’d lace it with poison or something?” I smirked.

“True…” He nodded, smirking right back at me, crossing his arms over his chest.  
_Holy shit, not only are we not fighting, but we’re being a little bit FLIRTY!_

His head fell back, and he stared at the roof for a moment. When he was done examining the ceiling, he leant forward resting his elbows on his knees and glanced down at his shoes then up at me through his eyelashes.

“Uh, so did Ben tell you about Little Things?” I shook my head; no one had mentioned anything.

“Has it been scratched or something?”

“Not exactly…” He said with a small smile, “So apparently the guys are gonna take a break and um, it’s gonna be just you and me…”

_Fuck my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	13. 10.1

 

**2013**

**10.1**

“That’s it! I’m not going…” I lay on the bedroom floor of my flat in London amongst a pile of clothes. Luke came out of the ensuite with a towel wrapped around his waist, droplets of water cascading down his torso as he towel-dried his dirty blonde hair. He stopped and watched me, chuckling to himself as I threw articles of clothing around the room, distressed I couldn’t find the perfect outfit.

“You ok?” He asked as he sat on the edge of the bed behind me, placing his large hands on my shoulders massaging them gently.

“I just…” I sighed heavily, the pent-up frustration leaving my body as his magic fingers worked, “I just wanted to look nice tonight! Everyone’s going to be there; I can’t just go like… blergh!” I let out an exasperated groan as I looked down at my attire.  
_Sweatpants, hoodie, hair in a messy bun… hot._

Luke looked around the room as he pulled his lip ring between his teeth.

“I mean, wear whatever, it’s just gonna be the guys and stuff…” He shrugged, “I’m just wearing my flannel and jeans. It’s just at Niall’s so-”  
_Exactly! She’s going to be there, and I have to look better than her!_

“Fair point, babe,” I said as I twisted around and leant up, cutting him off and kissing his lips quickly. I got up off the floor and searched the mountain of clothes for my black leather leggings and a t-shirt and then placed them on the back of the chair at my makeup table. I pulled my hoodie over my head and tossed it into the laundry basket. My hands fell on to my hips, and I looked around the room at the mess I had made, “I guess I should clean this up…”

“That can wait, come here,” Luke said as he beckoned me over with his finger. I made my way over to him and stood in front of him, biting my lip gently. He reached out and played with the hem of my tank top, “Now this; this is a very silly shirt… this has to go,” I giggled as he helped me pull it up and over my head, my hair falling from its loose bun and down over shoulders and back as I lazily threw the garment into the pile of clothes, “And these… not a fan,” He breathed as he tugged on the strings of my sweatpants. He smirked up at me as he looped his fingers over the waistband of my sweats and pulled them to the ground.

“Lukas!” I exclaimed, throwing my head back in laughter. He reached behind me and placed his hands on my backside, giving it a squeeze as he pulled me between his legs. I rested my forearms on his shoulders as I played with the hair on the nape off his neck, tilting my head and looking down into his eyes. He held my gaze as the tips of his fingers trailed up my back, causing me to shiver under his touch. He rested one of his large hands on my lower back and undid my bra with the other. As it started to slide down my arms slowly, I went to cover my chest with one arm as I dropped the undergarment beside the bed.

“You really don’t need to be insecure, hunny,” As he pulled my arm from my body and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, smiling softly at me, “And I mean it when I say it doesn’t matter what you wear tonight, or any other night. To me, you are perfect… you could wear a garbage bag and still be the most beautiful girl in the room…”

“You’re so sweet.” I smiled placing a tender kiss on his soft pink lips.

“I know,” He grinned cheekily as he rolling his eyes playfully. His eyes flicked down to my chest as he leant forward and placed a longing kiss in the valley of my breasts, his fingers hooking around the waistband of my panties before he shimmied them down my legs. His calloused hands caressed my curves, travelling slowly back up my body before coming to rest on my hips, “C’mere.” He mumbled against my skin. I held onto his broad shoulders as I moved to straddle his thighs. He wrapped his strong arms around me and held me close, our bare chests touching, as he kissed me deeply my fingers tangled themselves in his damp hair. With one arm holding me tight, he used the other to manoeuvre us up the bed against the padded headboard, leaving his towel behind. He let out a guttural groan as I circled my hips, grinding myself against his length.

“Feel good, baby?” I whispered seductively in his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. He moaned as he nodded, his hips lifting as he tried to gain some more friction, his fingers digging into my flesh. His eyes fluttered closed, and his head fell back against the headboard briefly before he connected his mouth with my left breast. His tongue flicked out and swirled around my nipple, his hand massaging my right breast, making me let out a sigh of ecstasy. He continued to nibble and lick at the small, pink bud for a moment before swapping breasts and replicating his actions.

“You like that?” He asked, his voice at least an octave lower than normal. I nodded and bit my lip in response as I tugged at the roots of his hair. Seemingly out of nowhere Luke rolled us so that he was on top of me. This sudden dominance turned me on immensely. His eyes were a deep shade of blue, like the bottom of the ocean; far from the sky blue that they normally were. He smirked at me as he attached his mouth to my neck, sucking, biting and licking one spot. That spot. My breathing became heavy, and I couldn’t control the whimpers and moans leaving my mouth, “Tell me what you want.” He ordered, in my ear before gently sucking on my earlobe.

“I…” I tried to speak, but words failed me. He started kissing back down my neck and shook his head a little when I didn’t answer.

“I said, tell me what you want.” His voice was harsher this time, more commanding. It was unbearably sexy. As he raked his teeth over the bruise he’d made earlier, I winced. It hurt, but in a good way. The best kind of way.

“I want you…” I managed to say, my voice barely a whisper. He chuckled against my skin as he started to pepper kisses down my collar down and between my breasts.

“Obviously,” He snickered. I swatted his shoulder, embarrassed, “I want you to tell me what you want me to do to you…” He continued leaving gentle kisses on my stomach and across my hip bones, looking up at me through his eyelashes every now and then, “You have to say it or…” He sat back on his knees and crossed his arms.

“Ok!” I giggled covering my face. I took a deep breath as I built up the confidence to speak, “I want your mouth.” He climbed up the bed and kissed my lips lovingly.

“Anything for you, baby girl.” He winked as he made his way back down the bed and made himself comfortable on his stomach with my thighs over his shoulders, his head between my legs. I inhaled sharply when his mouth attached itself to my little bundle of nerves, and he started sucking on it gently.

“Oh my God…” I breathed out, my fingers finding their way into his hair once more. I felt him smirk against my skin as he licked and sucked at my folds, his tongue drawing tiny figure eights over my clit, before darting inside me. My breaths were short and heavy as he pushed one of his long thin fingers inside me, easing it in and out slowly a few times before he added a second, all the while his lips still wrapped around my clit. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as he made a come-hither motion with his fingers and found that spot that made me go weak.

“Cum for me, Teagan.” He said in the low, husky voice, causing my stomach to do flips.

“I’m cl-cl…”  I tried to say, my breathing ragged.

“Let it happen, baby.” He groaned as he sped up his movements. Within seconds my back arched off the bed as I screamed his name, throwing my head back into the pillow, my hands gripping the sheets so hard my knuckles had turned white. As I lay there slowly regaining my breath, Luke kissed his way back up my tired body. He lay down beside me, looking very proud of himself, as he watched me in my post-orgasm state. After I regained some form of consciousness, I looked over at him, smiling lazily.

“Wow…” Was all I could say. He smiled shyly glancing down at his hands pulling his lip ring between his teeth.

“So, we have to leave by 9, and it’s almost 8, so you maybe wanna jump in the shower?” He asked as he jumped off the bed and pulled a pair of boxers up his legs. I frowned and moved to sit on my knees in front of him.

“What about you?” I asked holding him by his hips. He chuckled pushing the hair from my face and kissing my forehead.

“Don’t stress,” He smiled pulling me in and cuddling me close, “I love you; we’ve got the rest of our lives for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	14. 10.2

****

**2013/2014**

**10.2**

So far my entire night had been pre-occupied by two things.

“We’ve got the rest of our lives for that…”

_The rest of our lives... The rest of our lives?! Has he thought about marrying me? I mean, really? We’ve been together four-ish months! That’s a bit extreme. Also, I’m 19, and he’s 17 for crying out loud… what 17-year-old boy has thought about that kind of stuff?! Maybe I’m over thinking it, and it was just a flippant remark like, we’ve got the rest of our lives to go to Disney World… yeah. That’s it._

And then there was,

Her…

_Urgh! She’s the fucking worst._

“I really love your jacket; the whole outfit is just so… interesting.” She had been lingering around me all night, trying to play nice for Niall’s sake, I suppose. I nodded, not actually listening to her, and sipped on my beer as I looked around the room, desperately hoping someone would save me from this blonde nightmare.

“Teags!” Liam shouted as he made his through the sea of people in Niall’s back garden.

_THANK YOU, JESUS!_

“Payno!” I shouted back raising my beer in the air and walking off to meet him halfway, “Eeey!” We both laughed as we looked at each other up and down in our unintentional matching outfits. Both dressed head to toe in black, including our snapbacks.

“Twinsies!” He said in his best ‘Leeroy’ voice.

“It’s not even midnight! How much have you had to drink, mate?” I laughed as the pissed boy wrapped an arm around my neck.

“Was thinking of fucking off down the road to get something to eat and get a better view of the fireworks, you in?” His words slurred, his eyelids heavy.

“Shit yeah. Ok, let’s go find Luke and stuff.” I was more than happy to leave and get away from Niall’s stage-five clinger of a girlfriend.

“How about we find Luke first, then we go…” Liam said, a small hiccup escaping his lips. I pressed my lips together and nodded.

“Great idea, Payno,” I chuckled shaking my head, “Liam look at me,” I said trying to get his attention as he started to find my hair the most interesting thing in the world, “Li, where’s Soph?” I asked him, hoping he knew where his girlfriend was so I could palm the drunk lad off for to her to look after. I looked around the garden, trying to see her through the crowd. I spotted her through the window of lounge sitting on the couch with Calum chatting animatedly. I trudged inside, dragging Liam with me, stopping every now and then so he could talk to someone or something; even a pot plant at one point.

“Is he ok?” Harry asked, his voice laced with concern, as Liam and I walked passed him and a few of his friends.

“He’ll live. Just trying to get him to Sophia…” I said rolling my eyes and Liam started giggling for no reason I could see.

“NIALLEERRRR!” He cried out in my ear. I looked ahead and saw Niall standing in front of us with the Polaroid camera Harry had given him for Christmas.

“Say cheese!” Liam wrapped an arm around my waist and as I smiled as the flash went off in our faces. The picture slid from the camera and Niall started waving it in front himself as it developed.

“Soph… where’s Soph?” Liam asked me looking around playing with his cap, “I want a kebab,” I took hold of his hand and pulled him inside and towards the lounge. His eyes lit up when he saw Sophia, Ashton and Calum talking on the couch, “Hey boys,” He interrupted as he ran towards them, dropping down on the seat beside his girlfriend, “We should get kebabs,” Niall and Luke strolled over, sipping at their beers. Niall made himself comfortable on the armrest of the sofa; Luke stood beside me resting his arm on my shoulder, “And, and wait for it, it’ll be… THE BEST KEBAB EVVVVVER!” He waggled his eyebrows at the group as he sang. I covered my face with my hands embarrassed for a moment that these were my friends.

“I think it had LE-HEH-TUS.” Ashton sang at the top of his lungs.

“I think it had GAR-LIC SAUCE!” Calum clapped along as we all laughed hysterically.

“I think it haaaaad…” Niall jumped up and shook his butt to the beat that wasn’t there, “Dun dun dun! CHEESE!”

“Oh my, God! I don’t know these people…” I chuckled as I tried to sneak away.

“Oh, but you do.” Luke grinned wickedly, his tongue poking out ever so slightly as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to his side, leaving a kiss on my temple. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Niall stop his terrible dancing for a second, looking in our direction, his smile wavering slightly.

“Kah-BABS! Kah-BABS!” Liam started chanting and clapping. Everyone laughed at the drunken boys’ excitement and slowly got up from their seats before heading for the front door. Liam was first out the door, dragging Sophia along behind him, followed by Ashton, Calum, Michael and their dates for the night. Luke followed after them but stopped when he noticed I wasn’t behind him. He turned on his heel and raised his eyebrows.

“Aren’t you coming?” He asked motioning towards the front door with his thumb.

“I just need to find my bag; I’ll be there in a minute, you go.” I smiled waving him off as I started to look around the lounge area where I’d left it. I trusted everyone at the party, so there was no need to hide my stuff.

“What you lookin’ for?” Niall’s voice filled my ears, his accent thicker than usual as he’d been drinking. I looked over my shoulder, and he was standing a few feet from me, a slight smirk on his face.

“I can’t find my purse.” All of a sudden Niall took my hand in his, a jolt of electricity surged through my body as his skin touch mine; some kind of magic.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, c’mon.” He pulled me towards the door with a wide grin on his face. As we charged toward the front door, Niall called out to Harry, “C’mon Haz!” Harry excused himself from his current conversation, which he didn’t look too engrossed in any way, and caught up with us before taking hold of my other hand.

“What about everyone inside? What about… ya know?” I questioned, frowning slightly. His grip on my hand tightened slightly at the mere mention of her.

“I’m sure everyone will be fine,” He snickered, “She can entertain dem for a while.” He sighed softly and the grip on hand loosened before he let go completely, giving me a gentle, sad smile.

“Come the fuck oooon!” Michael bellowed from the corner of the street where everyone was waiting for us. Harry let go of my other hand, and the three of us laughed as we ran to catch up with the group.

“Where are we going?” Harry asked no one in particular as we started walking down the street to find sustenance; specifically kebabs if possible, but at 11.30 on New Year’s Eve I doubted our chances, “And why do you have that?” He pointed to Niall’s Polaroid camera; I hadn’t even noticed him grab it on the way out.

“Because I love the things you give me Harold…” He answered with a cheeky grin and a wink, snapping a close up candid of Harry, Ashton managing to photobomb in the background.

“Pass it to me; I’ll look after them.” Sophia offered kindly. Niall replied with a smile handing her the Polaroid; she placed it carefully inside her large handbag. By the time we’d gotten our food and taken some more pictures, it was nearly midnight.

“You cold?” Luke asked, his arms wrapping around me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder as we stood waiting for the fireworks to begin. Though we weren’t near the water, near Big Ben or the bridge, we had a great view from the spot we’d found. We also thought it would be better to stay away from crowds because a) we didn’t have our security, and b) we just wanted this night, this moment, to ourselves.

“I’m good…” I said, turning in his embrace and wrapping my arms around his neck. He rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, “Although,” His eyes opened slowly and looked into mine, “I do kinda wish we could go home and finish what we started this afternoon…” I winked biting my lip. He threw his head back in laughter before returning his gaze back to mine and sucking his lip ring between his perfect white teeth.

“You are insatiable.” His eyes dark, his voice that low tone that drove me crazy.

“TEN!” We broke apart and returned our focus to our friends. We all huddled in a circle and started shouting the countdown together.

“NINE!” I looked around at each of them individually and smiled proudly. These were my best friends, and that night I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. I only wish Louis hadn’t been so stubborn and had decided to come to Niall’s instead of going to a club.

“EIGHT!”  _Lukey, my baby_.

“SEVEN!”  _Oh, sweet Harold._

“SIX!”  _Good old, Payno._

“FIVE!”  _Gotta love Ash._

“FOUR!”  _Cal. Classic._

“THREE!”  _Mikey, what can I say?_

“TWO!”  _Niall…_

“…ONE!” The fireworks over the Thames started with a loud bang.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The whole of London collectively roared. Luke grabbed my cheeks kissing me passionately before breaking away and hugging and kissing everyone else one by one, as people in the streets started to sing ‘Auld Lang Syne’. Harry came up beside me and hugged me tightly before giving me a peck on the lips.

“Happy New Year, my darling.” He smiled.

“And to you.” I gave everyone a cuddle and a quick peck as the fireworks exploded overhead. Niall stopped in front of me, seeming unsure what to do. He tentatively held his arms out and shrugged. I nodded with a small smile on my face and stepped forward into the hug. His body was tense as our arms wrapped around each other. I rested my head on his shoulder, and I felt his body relax. The hug was lingering, not that I minded; I wanted it to last forever. I had never felt so safe and at home in my life. For a brief moment, it felt as though there was nothing else, like the rest of the world just melted away and it was only Niall and I. No obnoxiously loud music, no cheering people, no fireworks; just the two of us. He inhaled deeply as his arms loosened and he stepped back, his cheek grazing mine.

“Babe!” Luke’s voice cut through the air, Niall and I jumped apart, our heads snapping in Luke’s direction, “Come watch this, it’s sick!” He yelled over the noise that had once again filled my ears. I jogged over to him, and he wrapped an arm around me from behind, pointing up at the colours in the sky, “Check it out!” I leaned back into his chest and sighed deeply. I closed my eyes and prayed these feelings would just go away, though part of me knew deep down that they never would.

“Guys, we should start headin’ back…” Niall shouted to the group. The fireworks had started to die down, so we all agreed and started walking back to his house, “I hope no one’s managed to break anytin’.” He laughed once we all walked through the front door. The door had barely opened when I heard her shrill voice screaming.

“Where the fuck have you been?!” The entire party stopped and stared as she stood with her hands on her hips glaring at Niall, tapping her foot, “Well, I’m waiting!” I heard the boys giggling from behind me.

_Uh oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	15. 11

****

**2014**

**11.**

“I cannot believe you nearly missed us receiving the Brit ‘cos you were taking a piss…” Liam laughed hysterically as sweaty bodies heaved on the dance floor around Harry and me.

“I did say I desperately needed to go!” He shouted over the music as we tried to make our way to our seating area at the after-party.

“You could’ve held it!” I chuckled shaking my head in disbelief. We walked up to a large security guard who nodded at us and unclipped the black rope that prevented people from entering the cordoned-off VIP area. I felt my phone buzz in my clutch; I ignored it.

“Shame Nialler couldn’t join us…” Liam said as he looked around the room, “He would’ve loved this.”

“He said his knee was feeling a bit shit, so he went home.” I shrugged sadly wishing he was there as well.

“Since when do you two discuss… anything?” Liam asked me, his eyes wide. I shrugged and chewed on the straw of my usual drink; vodka and lemonade. Niall and I had grown closer since New Year’s Eve. For some reason, I felt as though I had to keep our newfound friendship a secret. I knew Harry wouldn’t approve if he found out I was texting Niall while still dating Luke, but I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Feelings I had for Niall aside, we were bandmates.

“How’s Luke?” Harry asked, clearing his throat as we sat down on the plush couches.

“He’s good, I guess...” My phone buzzed again, and I placed my drink on the small table beside me and reached into my clutch to check my phone.

“Is it from him?” Harry asked eyeing me suspiciously, “Probably misses you already…”

“It has been a whole two weeks since you’ve seen each other…” Liam smirked.

“Ha. Ha…” I said, rolling my eyes. As I read through the texts a smile crept onto my face.

 ** _Nialler_     **  
 - Urgh so bored.  
 - What are you guys up to?  
 - :‘( having too much fun to text back… boooo.  
 - ????   
 - Bored.  
 - Boored…  
 - BOOOOREEEEDD!!!!  
 - There’s nothing on tv… what am I supposed to do?  -____-

“What are you smiling about?” Harry asked snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Huh? I’m not smiling about anything…” I chuckled. He frowned and he reached for my phone, “Oi!”

“Ooo are you sending dirty pictures?!” Liam giggled as he reached for my phone as well. I jumped up from the couch with my phone above my head.

“Am I not entitled to a modicum of privacy?!”  They both stared at me blankly.

“Someone swallowed a dictionary on the way here…” Liam said, both he and Harry bursting into a fit of giggles.

“What the hell is a modicum?” Harry asked wiping the tears of laughter away from his eyes.

“It means a small amount, a little bit… whatever.” I informed them quickly finishing my drink.

“Then just say that!” Liam laughed, “‘Oh look at me, I’m Miss Fancy Pants. I went to a posh, private boarding school, I know big words…’!”

“You both done?” I asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Shall we cease and desist for her Royal Highness, Liam?” Harry questioned as he placed his empty glass on the table in front of him and turned to his intoxicated friend.

“I think we shall, Harold.” He replied in his poshest accent, bowing slightly.

“Would you care to join me at the bar for a refreshment, old chap?” Harry asked.

“Indeed.” They both got up from their seats, unsteady on their feet. Harry wrapped his arm around Liam’s back, Liam’s arm snaked around Harry’s shoulder as they leaned on each other for support.

“Ok. I’m off.” I sighed rolling my eyes and putting my phone back in my clutch, taking a step towards the exit.

“Nooo! Don’t go-” Harry said grabbing hold of my arm and spinning me back to face him.

“No. All you’re doing is making fun of me and where I went to school, so you can both, what is it the plebs say? Ah, yes. You can both do one!” Harry looked vaguely hurt at my remark as he clutched at his pearls, as they say.

“Probably going to _do it_ with her booooyfriend!” Liam giggled childishly swaying out of time with the music.

“He’s in LA, and I’m going home.” I felt Harry’s eyes on me as I stormed out of the club. They knew I hated it when people made fun of my upbringing. I was in a car on the way to my house when I got another text from Niall.

 ** _Nialler_    **   
  - Pls come hang out or something I need someone to entertain me!

I thought about it for a moment before replying.  
         - I’m on my way.  
  
__**Nialler**       
  - Oh thank christ!... can you bring food? :D  
  
          - Yeah, no problem. What do you feel like?  
  
**_Nialler_  **   
  - Doesn’t matter, just hurry up I’m dying of starvation!  
  
          - Haha ok, I’ll be there soon.  
  
**_Nialler_   **    
  - You’re an angel :P

I couldn’t help the smile that made its way across my face.

_You’re an angel…_

After making a pit stop at a petrol station and grabbing some crisps and a bottle of soda, I jumped back in the vehicle and gave the driver Niall’s address. Once we arrived, I paid the fare and stepped out of the car as gracefully as possible having learnt from experience that you never know who is watching. As I stood on Niall’s doorstep, my heart raced. I knocked on the door and waited. My phone buzzed again.

 ** _Nialler_ **      
  - The key is under the third medium sized stone, on the left. Come on in :D

I searched around for a moment until I found the key. Once I had unlocked the door to let myself in, I returned the key to its hiding place before walking inside and closing the door behind me.

“Up here!” Niall shouted from upstairs in his second lounge room. The downstairs lounge was mainly for show, upstairs was for hanging out and FIFA. I took my time as I made my way up the stairs, of course, I’d been to Niall’s house before, but I’d never really stopped to absorb my surroundings. Once on the landing, I extended my neck out to see if he was in the lounge like I had assumed he was, “Hey!” He grinned from the large sofa, his injured leg stretched out, elevated by two cushions and resting comfortably on the coffee table in front of him. He waved me into the warm and inviting room, the flames dancing and crackling in the fireplace.

“So, you’re bored huh?” I smirked dropping the bag of food beside him on the sofa before sitting down and sinking into the soft cushions.

“What makes you think that?” He replied sarcastically, already munching on a mouthful of potato chips, “How was the party?” He asked as he chewed loudly.

“You didn’t miss much,” I told him as I ran my fingers through my hair, “Louis actually came with us for a bit.”

“No way?!” He said, wiping his hand on his sweatpants, getting rid of any crumbs.

“Yeah, then he got a call from Eleanor and left pretty quickly.” I nodded with a slight shrug of my shoulders.

“She’s got him wrapped around her little finger that one has…” He scoffed shaking his head stuffing more chips into his mouth ungracefully.

“Speaking of girls that have guys wrapped around their fingers…” Niall groaned as his eyes rolled back in his head.

“Don’t even-” He started to say, holding up a hand in front of me.

“How is my bestest buddy?” I smirked, tilting my head and cocking an eyebrow.

“Mental. That’s why I dumped her…” He said simply as he shook the bag of chips gently and examined its contents.

“What?!” I asked, my eyes wide as saucers.

“I thought I told you that,” Niall replied, his brow furrowed ever so slightly as his hand dove in for another handful of chips.

“Uh, no,” I frowned, shifting in my seat so I could face him properly, “When did that happen?”

“Day before last? I don’t know. Just glad to be rid of her, to be honest,” He shrugged, wiping his hand on his on his sweats again, “She was saying some horrendous things about you, and I told her, ‘look, no one speaks about my friends that way’. End of story.” My breath caught in my throat.

_Friends._

I had no right to be upset. That’s all we were, that’s all we could ever be, but at that moment my heart broke.

“Shit happens, I guess.” He sighed as he passed me the bag of crisps. He rested back on the sofa and closed his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest. I was about to put the bag on the coffee table when I noticed it still had some weight to it, I’d assumed it would’ve been empty. I glanced over at the blonde boy beside me; in all the years I’d known him, I’d never seen him share food with anyone. Liam tried to eat some of Niall’s fries once; Niall retaliated by biting Liam’s hand. I smiled inwardly as I slid a single crisp into my mouth.

“So what do you wanna do?” I asked kicking my heels off and putting my feet on the coffee table beside his. Niall uncrossed his arms and drummed his fingers on the couch as he looked around the room.

“I got the Inbetweeners boxset for Christmas from Deo, we could watch that,” He replied looking at me, “Or we could put a film on?”

“Inbetweeners sounds good,” He moved to get up, and I waved my hand dismissively, “Uh-uh. Don’t move. You need to rest that knee!” A smile broke out across his face as he watched me move around his lounge and put the first disc in the DVD player, “What?” I asked pushing a piece of hair behind my ear as I sat back in my spot, one leg tucked under me.

“Nothing…” He chuckled shrugging it off, turning his focus to the TV and starting the show. It had been an extremely long day, so it was no surprise that halfway through the first episode I could feel my eyelids starting to get heavy. I raised my hand to my mouth as I tried to stifle a yawn. I placed my hand on the couch, and my fingers brushed Niall’s ever so slightly; an awkward tension filled the air, “Teags?” He said after a moment, his voice barely a whisper.

“Yeah?” My voice cracking as I spoke.

“I just wanted to say thanks for coming over tonight… it means a lot.” He smiled at me softly.

“It’s no problem, really.” I was praying he wouldn’t move his hand, that electricity was flowing through me again and I never wanted it to stop.

“And uh…” He moved his hand to his lap, the loss of contact making my heart ache.

“Yeah?” I pushed on his silence deafening. He glanced down at his lap then back at me with a small smile gracing his lips.

“You’re such a good friend.”

_Kill me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	16. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Photo manip below is by me. I worked incredibly hard on this one and its the one I'm most proud of :D

****

**2014**

**12.**

It was 6 pm, and we’d been at a photoshoot since midday. Louis, Niall and I, were sitting around waiting for Harry and Liam to change outfits for the next shot.

“Quit it.” I groaned as Niall poked my arm for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“Quit it.” He replied, mocking me.

“Real mature,” I said rolling my eyes.

“Real mature.” He copied as he rolled his eyes melodramatically.

“Oh my god you’re so-” I frowned.

“Oh my god you’re so…?” He mimicked again.

“Teagan is the best…” I smirked, trying to outfox him.

“Teagan is the worst…” He smiled wickedly in reply.

“Ha. Ha.” I pouted crossing my arms over my chest and slouching down in my seat.

“Did you really think that was gonna work?” Louis laughed getting up and walking over to the snack table, perusing the items on it.

“Yeah, you kinda walked into that one, princess,” Niall smirked nudging my elbow with his. I elbowed him back, which started a nudge war, which quickly became a tickle fight.

“At least they’re not fighting…” I stopped, out of breath and pushed Niall away from me upon hearing Liam’s voice. Harry was standing in the doorway beside him, a disapproving look on his face.

“We’ve been called back to set, let’s go,” Harry ordered. We made our way to the set, and the photographer put us where he wanted us. Harry and I were on the ends, Harry next to Liam, me next to Niall and Louis in the middle, front and centre.

“I want you to look like you’re having a great time, the five of you just hanging out… just have fun with it.” Niall flung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. As the flash went off, I put on my ‘photoshoot face’, which is a smirky-pouty-smile and bedroom eyes while tilting your head at a flattering angle.

“Everybody say erect…” Louis joked. All four boys laughed as they all said it. I tried to keep a straight face, but Niall’s laugh is extremely contagious. Soon we were all in fits of laughter, and our team were hell-bent on getting us back in line and focused. Eventually, we regained enough composure to take a couple of good shots.

“That’s one’s ace.” Liam smiled widely as he pointed to the picture on the monitor. We all huddled around him and looked through the collection. We all agreed on the best picture for the cover for what would be next years calendar. As we were choosing, I didn’t even notice Niall’s arm was once again around my shoulder. It just felt natural. I felt so comfortable.

“Alright, I need everyone to get changed and meet back here in 15 for a quick meeting.” Our manager, Sam smiled at all of us. Without acknowledging our minders, we set off to do what we’d been told. The five of us were walking to our individual changing areas when our manager took hold of my arm and pulled me back, looking me dead in the eye.

“Whatever is going on between the two of you has to end. Now.” He scowled his voice a heated whisper. I yanked my arm from his grasped and scoffed at the notion.

“Nothing is going on-” I frowned.

“You have a boyfriend.”

“I know!”

“Oh really? ‘Cause sometimes I think you forget,” I rolled my eyes and went to walk off back was pulled back again, “I’m not blind, Teagan. I know how you feel about him,” My eyes widened, I felt nauseated, my stomach was in knots, “And I know how he feels about you,” My heart just about burst in my chest, “But nothing can ever happen-”

“You think I don’t know that?!” I glared back at him.

“Everything alright, Teags?” Liam asked as he popped his head around the corner, his voice laced with concern as he furrowed his brow.

“Everything is fine, isn’t it, Teagan?” Sam insisted, his demeanour immediately changing from intimidating to sickly sweet. I glanced at the floor before plastering a fake smile on my face.

“Yeah, all good,” I grinned at Louis. He returned the smile before heading back into his changing area, “Can I go now?” I mumbled looking back at the ground. Sam nodded, and I made my way to my changing area and got dressed in my normal clothes. I slung my handbag over my shoulder and was heading down the hallway to the exit when I heard Sam’s voice again.

 “Teagan, just come in here for a moment,” I sighed heavily, thinking I was going to getting another talking to and trudged back towards the sitting area where he was with the boys’. I dropped down on the couch between Louis and Liam and placed my handbag on the floor between my legs. Once we were all paying attention, he began, “Good job today, everyone. Excellent teamwork, not one argument, I’m very proud,” The boys’ applauded each other jokingly and laughed, I stared and my hands folded in my lap; I just wanted to leave, “As you all know, tour begins in two months, starting on the 25th in Bogotá. Then after South America, we will be heading to Europe, starting in Dublin.”

“Woo!” Niall cheered loudly.

“Yes…” Sam chuckled before returning to his notes, “We have been talking with the 5SOS team and-” He had my attention at this point, “They will be the support act for Europe and North America!” He grinned widely. The boys’ started chatting excitedly amongst themselves once Sam finished the meeting. I sat quietly, while they talked until we were told we could leave. I got up swiftly from my seat, collected my bag and headed straight for the car, without saying goodbye to anyone. Once I was in the backseat, and I’d put on my seatbelt I reached into my handbag and fished around for my phone before dialling Luke’s number.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I questioned once he’d answered the call.

“First of all, hello to you too…” I rubbed my hand over my face in frustration, “Secondly, what are you talking about?”

“The tour, Luke! When did you find out?!”

“Just now, I was actually about to call you… aren’t you excited?” He asked hopefully. I sighed and rested my head against the car window.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Oh good, for a second there I thought you might’ve been pissed or something…” He chuckled, there was a pause before he continued, “I’ve missed you so much these last few weeks. I hate being away from you,” I took a shaky breath as I watched the droplets of rain cascade down the window pane, “So, it’ll be great, we’ll get to spend every day together, just like last tour.”

“Yeah,” I replied, to fill the void.

“You’ve missed me too, right?”

“Of course, Luke.” The truth was I hadn’t. It had only been a few weeks, and I was glad for the time apart. I knew it was wrong to lie to him, but if you had ever seen those eyes up close, you couldn’t break his heart and lie to him either. Plus, I’d met Liz; I knew the consequences of hurting her youngest son.

“You ok? You just sound-”

“I’ve had a long day, and I’m tired, that’s all. Don’t worry about me.” I said, relaxing back into my seat, my head dropping back onto the headrest.

“I’ll always worry about you, I love you,” I closed my eyes and bit my lip, “You’re everything to me. If something’s bugging you, it’s bugging me too, hunny. Talk to me.” He was too good to me; I didn’t deserve his love.

“You’re such a sweetheart…” I smiled to myself, “But I’m ok, I really am.”

“You sure?”

“Yep, I’m on my way home now; I’m gonna have some dinner, have a bath and go to bed,” I heard Ashton calling Luke in the background, “What time is over there?” I asked, stifling a yawn. No matter how much I travelled, time difference still confused me.

“Half past ten… ish, we’re just leaving for the studio now, still got some final mixes to do and stuff before the single comes out.” He was using his business voice; it was cute somehow.

“Which one did you guys end up choosing?” The car pulled up outside my house, and I thanked my driver before collecting my things and clambering out of the backseat.

“I told you this already, babe,” Luke said, I could tell he was smiling, “It’s called ‘She Looks So Perfect’…”

“Oh!” I wondered as I let myself into my apartment, “The one about-”

“Yes, the one about undies.” He laughed.

“That’s not _all_ it’s about!” I heard Michael shout in the distance making me giggle.

“I better let you go,” I said placing my bag and keys on the kitchen counter and leaning against the marble surface.

“Never,” He replied, his voice just above a whisper. There was a pause before he let out a nervous giggle, “Oh, you mean… from the call! Wow, I thought you meant… I swear, I’m smarter than this.” He laughed. I couldn’t help but smile at how adorable he was.

“Have a great day, babe.”

“Sleep well, hunny,” He said softly, “I love you.”

“You too.” I hung up the call and held the phone to my chest sighing deeply. Luke deserved better, and I was going to be better. I had to do my best to stay away from Niall, no matter how much it hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	17. 13

****

**2014**

**13.**

I couldn’t believe how quickly the year was going by; it seemed as though the tour would be starting any day now. ‘She Looks So Perfect’ turned out to be an absolute smash, and everyone was talking about 5 Seconds of Summer. Luke had been so humble during all the chaos, never letting any of it get to his head. Now the boys and I were getting ready to release our next single ‘You & I’. We’d filmed the music video on the 24th March on Clevedon Pier in Somerset, and I honestly don’t think I’d ever been that cold in my life. The concept Ben pitched to us for the video was interesting, something about morphing into each other as we walk down the pier. This song was my favourite, not just because I actually got a solo in this one, unlike previous singles where I would occasionally get a line and the odd ooh and ahh here and there, but because it was kind of like a love letter to our fans.

“So Teagan, tell me,” The five of us were currently sat in the BBC Radio 1 studio with Nick Grimshaw, “There are rumours-”

“When aren’t there rumours?” Harry scoffed.

“Of course,” Nick nodded, “There’s always rumours, but the latest rumour is that you, Teagan, are dating none other than Luke from 5 Seconds of Summer!”

“Really?!” I asked in mock shock, holding a hand to my chest and raising my eyebrows.

“Can you now, live on BBC Radio 1, confirm that?” Nick asked his eyes flicking between the five of us and over to our management who were giving us the signal to shut it down.

“I can confirm we have a new single out on the 15th April…” I grinned cheekily, avoiding the question.

“Really?” Louis asked sarcastically, “What’s it called?”

“It is called You & I.” Liam smiled proudly.

“You & I, on the 15th April,” Nick repeated.

“That is tomorrow, for those of you playing at home,” Niall confirmed using his best TV presenter impersonation, all of us giggling along with him.

“That is all the time we have today, best of luck on your tour; tickets are still available I believe…” Nick’s voice trailing off slightly as he read over his notes, “Yes! Sunderland, Manchester and London. Ticket information is on the BBC Radio 1 website. The new single, You & I is out tomorrow,” He grinned widely as he looked up from his notes, “Harry, Liam, Louis, Niall and Teagan, thank you so much for coming. One Direction, everyone!” The employees in the studio all applauded as we thanked him for having us. We took off our headphones and walked into the hall.

“I thought it had been discussed that he wasn’t going to ask about Luke.” I sighed angrily running my fingers through my hair.

“We gave him a list of approved questions, and topics to stay away from-” Sam shrugged as he scrolled through his phone.

“Well, what happened then? Because he asked her...” Harry frowned defending me. Sam looked up from the device in his hand and raised an eyebrow.

“What do you want me to say?” He sneered, “Once he asked, we shut it down as fast as we could. I can’t change the fact he asked you, shit happens,” I was more than a little taken aback at his words, “Now, let’s get a move on, you’ve got seventeen more of these to do today.”

“Let’s make sure shit doesn’t happen at the next one,” Paul said stepping between Sam and us. A thick tension filled the air, neither man backing down.

“Awkwaaard…” Louis joked, tugging on his collar. Sam cleared his throat, breaking eye contact with Paul and walked off down the hall, signalling for the rest of the team to follow him. Louis, Liam and Harry set off behind them, and I followed after them. Niall jogged to catch up with me and wrapped a caring arm around my shoulder.

“Just ignore him.” I simply nodded in reply shrugging his arm off gently with a faint smile remembering the orders Sam had given me earlier in the year. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets as we came to the front door of the building. The screams coming from outside were loud, and overwhelming, as usual. Even after all this time, I still wasn’t used to it. Once outside we each signed a few autographs and took a couple of selfies before getting into the black cars that were waiting for us, and headed to our next interview.

Later that night I was snuggled on my couch watching FRIENDS reruns when my phone went off beside me. I muted the TV before looking at the screen and saw it was my best friend since childhood; Lucy. Momentarily, I contemplated ignoring her but decided against it and answered the FaceTime call, putting on my best smile.

“Hey bitch, how’s tricks?” She smirked as she checked out her reflection in the screen, and fluffed up her blonde hair with her fingertips.

“Oh you know, can’t complain,” I said leaning forward and taking my cup of tea in my free hand, bringing it to my lips and sipping it, “How about you? How’ve you been?”

“Just working, you know how it goes… oh, my GOD!” Her blue-green eyes widened with excitement, “Do you remember Katrina from school?” I went to answer her, but she cut me off, “Well, she’s dating Rebecca’s second cousin, Andrew, who used to go out with Leon’s sister’s best friends cousin… urgh, I can’t remember her name, I think it’s Kate, you know the one, she work’s down at Boots? Anyway! What was I saying?” A bubble of laughter escaped my lips as she continued her story, without seeming to take a breath. This went on for a few more minutes, me tuning in and out of the conversation every so often.

“Weird isn’t it?!” She exclaimed, her chirpy voice snapping me out of thoughts.

“Yeah, super weird.” I had no idea what she was talking about.

“So!” She smiled at me, “How’s Luke? You guys have been together for a while now, right? Still going strong or…?” I nodded and took another sip of my tea which was now a bit cold.

“Yep, we’re good,” I replied my forced smile wavering.

“Teagan Jane Walters,” She frowned, making me wince at the use of my full name, “I’ve known you for over a decade, I’m probably one of the only people that can tell when you’re lying.” I sighed placing my teacup back on the coffee table and crossed my legs.

“I’m actually a great liar; I do it all the time for work…” I smirked.

“You are a shitty liar,” She scoffed, “And anyone who believes your bullshit is an idiot.” My jaw dropped. Lucy was the only person who could get away with being this blunt with me, besides maybe Harry or my Mum, but she would never swear like that.

“How’s Cory?” I asked with raised eyebrows.

“You are avoiding the question!”

“Yes, I am. Well spotted, Sherlock!” I deadpanned. She rolled her eyes dramatically, and as she flopped down on her couch she brought the camera much closer to her face than intended, “Oh yeah, that’s a great angle for you… work those nostrils babe!” I laughed taking a screenshot quickly before snapping my fingers in front of my face.

“Teags!” She snorted as I did my best double chin, ugly selfie mode face.

“Who am I?” The sound of her belly laughing filled my apartment, “That’s you…” I snickered. We had always been the kind of friends who could make fun of each other without offending one another, the kind of friends that could give and take banter without crying about it.

“Stop, I’m gonna piss myself…” Tears of laughter escaped her eyes as I made the most unattractive I could muster.

“London’s next top model baby, woo!” I shouted sticking my tongue out, whipping my hair around like a manic and holding my fingers up in the international symbol for ‘rock on’ – I’d learnt that from the 5SOS boys.

“You’re an idiot…” Lucy sighed, her laughter fading.

“Babe?” I heard Cory, Lucy’s boyfriend, faintly call out in the background. She wiped her eyes and waved him over, “Oh, hey superstar! Long-time no see!” He grinned as Lucy passed him the phone before disappearing. Cory looked like a geek chic, Abercrombie and Fitch model; 6 foot tall, dark brown hair, green eyes with a perfect megawatt smile. He was a couple of years older than us, but he and Lucy belonged together; you could just tell from the day they met back on mine and Lucy’s first day at school. We were lost in the crowded hallway when he came barging out of a classroom with his mates. I had tried to tell her to watch where she was going but she bumped into him anyway and, as they say, the rest is history.

“Sup bro, how’s it hangin’?” I replied as I did my awful impression of a California surfer.

“Cha bro, most excellent!” He answered, his impression much better than mine.

“Oh no, not you too… Teagan, don’t go corrupting him-” Lucy’s voice came from the background.

“I didn’t do anything!” I scoffed, laughing, “Hey Cory…” I smirked.

“Yeah?” He said, looking at me questioningly with a raised eyebrow.

“Come to the dark side; we have cookies.”

“Ooo! Cookies!” He grinned cheekily, his eyes wide as he walked up behind Lucy, in what looked like their kitchen, and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“No! No cookies,” Lucy scolded as she smiled, continuing to cut the carrots in front of her, “You’ll spoil your dinner…” I smiled at my friends, admiring how in love they were and had always been, “Speaking of dinner,” She said taking the phone out of Cory’s hand, “We have to go, we’re having my mum and dad around tonight so, I’ve gotta finish cooking, and this one has to tidy up.” She nodded her head in Cory’s direction, and I could see him roll his eyes behind her causing me to giggle.

“Ok, have fun!” I grinned, “Say hi to your parents for me.”

“I will,” She waved, “We love you.”

“I love you too.” I could feel the lump forming in my throat as I tried to hold back my tears.

“Bye, superstar.” The call ended, and I stared at the blank screen for a moment.

“Bye…” I breathed out into the deafening silence of my empty apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	18. 14

   ****

**2014**

**14.**

It was the 11th May in São Paulo Brazil, our final show of the South American leg of the tour, and even though we’d played at the same venue the night before, we’d made some mistakes, so Sam was insisting we do a full run-through to make sure it didn’t happen again. As the five of us stood on stage I stared off into space, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something had felt very wrong all morning.

“Ok, and then Teagan, that’s when you walk down the catwalk… Teagan?” I was snapped out of my thoughts by the voice of our choreographer, Paul Roberts.

“Sorry, what?” I asked, frowning slightly.

“We’re doing a run-through of Happily, first chorus just head down there, remember?…” Harry reminded me quietly.

“Oh, right.” I nodded, taking a deep, shaky breath.

“Ok, let’s take it from the top.” Paul R said to no one in particular. The band started the song from the beginning, and we began to sing. I was finding it extremely hard to concentrate, forgot some of the lyrics and missed most of my ques. Towards the end of the song, I made my way back to the mainstage, walking directly into Louis in the process. I hadn’t even seen him standing there.

“Whoa, you alright, love?” He asked, his face etched with concern as he looked into my eyes, holding onto my upper arms. I nodded, he seemed unconvinced, but he released me from his grip anyway. We all took our places on the raised platform to rehearse Little Things which was next on the setlist. I sat down in my usual spot between Niall and Liam, as the song began I could feel my eyelids getting heavier. Suddenly, the music stopped.

“Are we boring you, Miss Walters?” Sam’s voice boomed throughout the stadium. I sat up straight and blinked my eyes rapidly. I looked at each of the boys who were all looking at me like I’d grown another head. I raised my arm to shield my eyes from the blinding glare of the spotlights so I could look into the crowd and see if I could Sam, “Can we continue?” His voice echoed again. I held my microphone to my lips and shakily replied.

“I think I need a minute…” I gulped.

“We do not have time, someone just get her an energy drink, and we’ll press on!” He said angrily, his voice progressively getting louder.

“Sam, if she needs a break-” Louis piped up, trying to defend me.

“You have the rest of the setlist to go through, costumes would like to go through some things with you, and we have to get all five of you showered, dressed, fed and through hair and makeup. We don’t have time for this bullshit.” He shouted from wherever he was. One of the assistants came up behind me and passed me a can of Red Bull. I reluctantly accepted the drink and sipped it slowly. Liam shuffled closer and rubbed my back soothingly.

“Just breathe,” He whispered with a comforting smile, “You’re ok.” The rest of the rehearsal was much the same. My focus seemed to fade in and out, and my whole body felt incredibly weak. Once we’d finished, we were escorted off stage and back to the dressing rooms to collect our things so we could go back to the hotel and get prepared for that night. A couple of hours later after we’d all had some time to ourselves, we were heading back to Estádio do Morumbi to get ready.

“Are you sure you’re ok, Teags?” Harry asked as he pulled me to his side and squeezed my shoulder, “You just don’t seem yourself today…”

“I’m fine,” I lied, “Don’t worry about me,” I reassured him as I walked into my dressing room leaving him at the door.

“Ok, well if you need anything-”

“I know; you’re right next door.” I waved him off with a smile as he began to walk down the hall. Niall walked passed after Harry, his eyes flickered up from the ground to meet mine momentarily and seemed as if he was about to stop, but he continued on. We’d barely spoken all tour; it was for the best, at least that was what Sam had said. I looked at my costumes all lined up neatly on the rack, the shoes that had been chosen for me to wear sat directly underneath each outfit. Above those were photos taken of how I had to be styled in the outfit from head to toe, hair, makeup, accessories; all these decisions had been made for me that people that barely knew me.

“Dinner is in ten, Miss Walters.” I heard a quiet voice say from behind me.

“Yeah, cool… thanks.” I sighed heavily as I picked my favourite of the outfits from the rack and hung it inside the changing area. The rest of the night was a blur until we were on stage, I only remember being given multiple energy drinks by people and them telling me I’d be fine, that I just needed to perk up. I could feel the music thumping in my chest, and the flashing lights that normally never bothered me were irritating my eyes. It felt like the longest performance of my life. I was a sweaty, shaking mess. After What Makes You Beautiful the lights went down and the crowd was going crazy, so when I came off stage I tried to find some cold water to cool myself down.

“What do you think you’re doing? Get back out there!” Sam screamed forcing me back out onto the stage. I stumbled back out into the spotlights like Bambi on ice. Just when I thought I was going to fall to the ground, Niall caught me and wrapped his arm around my waist to hold me upright as You & I began to play. When he did that the screams in front of us got louder and through the dizziness and haze I could see why. Sitting in the section in front of where we were standing there were a large group of girls with banners that read;

‘TIALL 4EVER’  
‘WE SHIP TIALL’  
‘WE LOVE THE LITTLE THINGS ABOUT TIALL!’

Niall pointed at the group and giggled before kissing my temple inciting shrill, excitable screeches from the crowd. I shook my head and laughed using all my remaining strength to push myself away from him and walk to the other side of the stage. The rest of the boys helped me get through the remainder of the show and hen the show was finally finished, I walked off stage and collapsed into the arms of Paul.

My vision was blurry, and I was finding it extremely difficult to breathe. The boys were hurried out from under the stage and down to the dressing room. I was force fed water by Paul while our medical team checked my vitals. The voices around me were panicked, but I couldn’t make out anything they were saying. My eyes fluttered closed as I was enveloped in darkness.

I woke up in my hotel room with Luke asleep in a chair beside my bed, his long legs stretched out in front of him, and arms crossed over his chest. I sat up against the headboard with some difficulty and reached for my phone that was on the bedside table.  
  
_23 missed calls and 32 unread messages… probably all from Mum._  
  
I checked the time to see how long I’d been out.  
  
_2.47am_ , _that’s not that bad, only a few hours…_  
  
Then I saw the date. 13 th May. I stared at my phone with wide eyes I couldn’t believe it; I’d been asleep for over 24 hours.

“You’re awake!” I turned to look at Luke as he yawned, stretching his lanky arms over his head.

“What happened?” I frowned.

“Severe exhaustion and extreme dehydration,” He said in a matter-of-fact tone as he moved from his chair to beside me on the bed. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and rested his head on mine, “I was on the first flight from LA after Sam called me.”

“Sam called you, why would he call you?”

“I guess ‘cause he’s your manager, and he was worried about you.” I scoffed to myself and snuggled into Luke’s side. He placed a tender, loving kiss on the top of my head.

“I was so worried about you baby,” He said quietly, his voice laden with sadness, “Please don’t ever scare me like that again.”

“I’ll try.” 

“Niall’s been in to check on you a few times.” He stated simply, a clear change in his tone.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah, those are from him…” He replied, pointing to the champagne coloured roses on the bedside table.

“Oh, I thought they were from you.” I shrugged, pretending I wasn’t melting on the inside at the fact Niall had bought me roses, let alone my favourite kind.

“Nah…” Luke said looking at the beautiful arrangement, “How did he know you like champagne roses?” I shifted in my spot and furrowed my brow.

“We’re bandmates?” I shrugged, “I have no idea.”

“I just a very specific thing to know about someone…” I sat up and looked him in the eye, not liking what he was implying.

“What are you saying?” I frowned.

“None of the others came to check on you, he bought you your favourite flowers, it has a note-” He began listing things off on his fingers.

“What does it say?” I interrupted him.

“That’s not the point!” He groaned exasperatedly. I rolled my eyes and lent across him snatching the note from beside the bouquet and reading it to myself.

_**Teagan,** _  
**_We love all the little things that make you who you are._ **  
**_Get well soon Princess. We can’t do this without you._ **  
**_N_ _xxxx_ **

I smiled inwardly as I read the note. I looked over at Luke who was fuming.

“Well?!” He asked crossing his arms over his chest, “What’s it supposed to mean?” I placed the note back beside the flowers and sat down beside him again.

“Well, the first bit is a joke from a banner the other night I think? Or possibly lyrics? Or both? I’m not sure… and the second part was them hoping I get better?” I replied sarcastically.

“I meant the four x’s, Teagan!” I’d never seen Luke so upset.

“It’s probably one from each of them,” I tried to rationalise, “Four x’s, four bandmates?” Luke nodded slowly as he processed what I had said, calming down as his breathing returned to a regular state.

“So nothing’s going on with the two of you?” He asked looking down at his hands and pulling his lip ring between his teeth, the way he does when he gets nervous.

“No, baby,” I answered honestly. Though I may have had feelings for Niall, nothing was going on, “You’re the only one I love.” That part was half true…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	19. 15.1

****

**2014**

**15.1**

We were in Dublin, Ireland, preparing to go on stage for the first night of the European leg of the tour. I’d never seen Niall so excited and hyperactive as he was that night. We were finally performing at Croke Park; he’d wanted this since One Direction was formed, probably before. I was relaxing in my dressing room when a knock came at the door.

“Come in,” I called out as I changed into my costume for that night behind the curtain, “I’ll be out in a sec.”

“Just me,” I heard the twang of Luke’s Australian accent and smiled to myself, “Well hello there…” He grinned as he popped his head around the curtain. Instinctively I dropped the shirt I was holding and covered my stomach, he let out a deep sigh, “What did I tell you about that?” He said, prying my arms from my body and stepping closer to me wrapping his long arms around my waist.

“I just get self-conscious sometimes. You know why.” I mumbled as he left a trail of feather-light kisses across my jawline.

“You know what?” His voice serious as held a finger under my chin and stared into my eyes, “Those internet trolls can go fuck themselves!” He pulled me into his chest and placed a loving kiss on the top of my head, “No one talks shit about my baby and gets away with it,” He took a deep breath and rested his head upon mine, “I love you, and I always will.”

“Are you two fookin’ in there?” Louis’ strong northern accent filled my ears as he ripped open the curtain, “Fookin’ hell! My eyes!” He shouted melodramatically stumbling backwards and collapsing on the sofa in the middle of the room. Luke bent down extremely quickly and passed me my shirt, which I hurriedly whipped over my head, as Luke tried to shield Louis’ view of my half-naked state, with his body.

“You’re so funny, Lewis…” I said sarcastically as I adjusted the plain grey t-shirt walking from behind Luke.

“Is it safe?” He asked peeking through his fingers that covered his eyes, like a child playing hide and seek.

“Louis, darling. What does one expect to see when one opens the curtain to girls changing room?” I replied in a condescending tone, my hands on my hips.

“Wait? You’re a girl?” He feigned shock as he jumped up off the couch and headed for the door, “All this time, I thought you were just one of the lads…” He stopped in the doorway and looked back at me over his shoulder, “How could you?” I shook my head and tried not to laugh; I looked at Luke who looked incredibly confused, “HOW COULD YOU?!” Louis shouted as he ran off down the hall, arms flailing in the air.

“Ok?” Luke chuckled to himself after a moment, scratching the back of his neck.

“You know what you signed up for with this lot,” I smirked snaking my arms around his neck and tangling my fingers in his blonde hair.

“And here I was, thinking you were the worst of the bunch…” He said as he held onto tightly to my hips and gave them a gentle squeeze.

“Ha ha.” I poked my tongue out at him and leant up to place a kiss on his soft pink lips.

“Luke!” Luke and I sprung apart at the sound of Ashton’s voice from the doorway, “Been looking everywhere for you mate; we’re on stage in five, c’mon…” Luke took one step towards the door before walking back to me and kissing my lips longingly.

“I’ll see you afterwards, baby.”

“Have a great set.” I smiled as he walked out the door, leaving me alone once again. Being on my own didn’t bother me; it was the deafening silence that lingered in the air once everyone had left me. I sighed deeply as I trudged over to the speakers that sat on my dressing table and plugged the AUX cord into my phone. I opened iTunes and scrolled through the songs, not looking for anything in particular, and pressed play. I leant against the edge of the table with my eyes closed as the music filled my ears.

“Ready?” My eyes snapped open to see Harry, Louis, Liam and Niall standing in front of me, ready to do some vocal warm-ups. I nodded and stopped the music coming from my phone before joining the boys in a circle. We did our usual scales before Liam suggested we run-through one or two of the newer songs.

“How about ‘Strong’? I’m still having trouble with the harmonies in the chorus, anyone else?” We all agreed, and Liam started us off acapella. When it came time for Niall to sing the bridge his eyes locked with mine, I couldn’t bring myself to look away as the words fell from his lips.

‘ _I'm sorry if I say, "I need you"_  
_But I don't care_  
 _I'm not scared of love_  
 _'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker_  
 _Is that so wrong?_  
 _Is it so wrong?’_

Harry nudged my side gently with his elbow, snapping me out of my trance and my eyes flickered down to the floor as we finished the song.

“Fifteen-minute call, guys,” Paul informed us poking his head in the room from the corridor, “Time for final wardrobe checks and whoever hasn’t got their inners in yet, you need to go do that.” The boys started to make their way out of the room one by one; I sat down on the couch and began putting on my black converse starting with the right foot as always. I looked up when I heard the door to my dressing room click shut. My eyes widened, and a deep rosy blush spread across my cheeks when I saw Niall leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest.

“I think we should talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	20. 15.2

****

 

**2014**

**15.2**

“We have to get to stage…” I said pushing myself up from the couch and walking towards the door.

“Am I going crazy?” Niall asked blocking the doorway, “What’s going on?” I reached around him for the door handle only for Niall to block my movements, “We were friends, you were there for me after my surgery, I told you things I’ve never told anyone!” His eyes filled with sadness.

“Niall-” I sighed heavily running my fingers through my hair.

“Did I do something or say something-” He reached out and placed his hand on my forearm, I instinctively jerked away from his touch; I’d never seen him look so hurt, “Tell me what I’ve done to make you hate me so much.” He demanded.

“I promise, I don’t hate you,” I replied honestly, my eyes wide, pleading for him to believe me, “It’s… it’s complicated, ok? I’ll explain everything later I just-” The door to my dressing room swung open, and Paul looked between Niall and me.

“There you are, c’mon!” He sighed exasperatedly. Niall glanced at Paul before taking one last look at me, sighing deeply, and then jogging out of the room and down the hall. My stomach was in knots, I hated myself for putting myself in this situation, but at the same time, I couldn’t help how I felt, “Come on, Teags,” Paul said with a small smile. I peered in the mirror quickly and fluffed my hair before following him out of the room. I couldn’t help but groan inwardly at the predicament I was in, “Have you taken your vitamins today?” He asked, his face filled with concern. Ever since the ‘São Paulo incident’ as it had been referred to by the media, my health and wellbeing seemed to be everyone’s business.

“Yes, Paul,” I smiled half-heartedly, “And I’ve had two litres of water, so don’t worry, I won’t pass out tonight. I promise…” I tried to joke as the tech fitted my sound pack to the waistband of my black skinny jeans. He passed me the cable to my IEMs, and I dropped it down the back of my shirt. While I put the hot pink earpieces into my ears, he connected the cable to the sound pack. I gave him a thumbs up and joined the boys under the stage in our huddle. Even with my earpieces in the screams coming from the crowd were overwhelming.

“Nialler, this is your hometown mate, this is all you…” Liam grinned. Niall puffed out his chest, he was beaming with pride.

“I know I should say something in Irish right about now-”

“Seems fitting…” Louis interjected sassily.

“However! You all know I was never great at it so, all I’m going to say is… you guys are my best friends in the whole world,” He grinned widely as he looked at the boys, making my heart drop just a little, “Performing here has been a dream of mine since before I can remember and because of you lads-” I cleared my throat causing Harry to laugh from beside me, and Niall to smirk at me from across the huddle before he corrected himself, “And you, I guess…” I rolled my eyes before he continued, “Because of what _we’ve_ achieved-”

“Better.” I smiled smugly having gotten my way.

“My dream is a reality and I, for one, could never have gotten here without-” He paused, and I raised an eyebrow at him, “ _All_ of you…” He smiled softly.

“Naww, Nialler!” Liam cooed, pulling us all into a big group hug. We were passed our microphones before we made over way to the up behind the screen that would rise and reveal us in minutes. I stood next to Harry, and we did our usual shimmy and shake to get the nerves out of our systems. Niall walked behind us with his guitar slung low across his body, and I felt a hand squeeze my backside. I froze and turned to Harry. He pulled out one of his earpieces and looked at me with a raised brow.

“What’s up?” He asked. My mouth was opening and closing like a fish, I was in complete shock.

“I think Niall just grabbed my ass…” I whispered. Harry put his earpiece back in his ear as he burst out laughing.

“No way.” He cackled as the lights in the arena went down, and the band began to play the overture.

“It’s not funny!” I frowned, playfully smacking his shoulder as I tried not to laugh.

“It is a bit…” He shrugged as the screen in front of us began to rise, and the screams became louder.

After finishing the final song and waving goodbye to the crowd, we stepped off stage and quickly made our way through the halls to leave the arena. We had approximately five minutes to change out of our stage clothes and into our own clothes before we had to get on the buses and head to the hotel. As we ran, security surrounding us, Harry whipped his shirt over his head and slung it over his shoulder.

“Great show, everyone!” Sam shouted out as we went into our individual dressing rooms. I smiled back in his direction before shutting the door, so I could change. I kicked my converse off and pulled my shirt over my head. As I dropped my shirt on the couch, I took a deep breath. I was glad to finally have a moment to myself, however brief a moment it would be. I quickly made my way over to my rack of clothes on the wall and picked out a random hoodie. It was only after I had slipped it on I realised it was a Five Seconds of Summer hoodie and if anyone saw me in it, I would probably get in trouble, but I didn’t care. I tugged the socks off my feet and threw them into the hamper in the corner before I stepped into a pair of ballet flats. I picked up my handbag and took one last look around the room, checking if I had left anything behind. I jogged out of the room and waited by the exit with Louis, Liam and our security for the others to join us.

“Are you purposely trying to get outted?” Louis asked with a raised eyebrow as he hoisted his backpack further up on his shoulder.

“It’s a hoodie; it’s not the end of the world…” I replied as I rolled my eyes.

“If Sam sees it-” Liam started.

“Sam can suck my dick.” I snapped sarcastically.

“Who can suck whose dick?” Harry smirked as he walked up behind me, Niall jogged up behind him soon after with his cousin, Deo, in tow.

“Alright, all here?” Paul asked no one in particular before pushing through and opening the door, “Let’s go, go, go!” We were hurried onto the bus and driven back to our hotel where we got ready for the after party we would never forget; or at least that’s what Niall had been promising us all, all week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	21. 15.3

****

 

**2014**

**15.3**

“I can’t decide if I should wear this black dress or this one…” I thought out loud holding the two very similar, almost identical, options up in front of Luke as he sat on the edge of the bed in my hotel room, playing on his phone, “Luke?”

“Mm?” He replied, still staring at the screen in front of him.

“Babe, this is important,” I whined stomping my foot on the plush carpet. He sighed and looked up, pointing to the dress in my right hand.

“That one.” I frowned and examined it further.

“Are you sure?”

“ _Teagan_ , we’re just going to a bar with friends… it’s not a fashion show in Milan or whatever. No one will care what you’re wearing.” He stood up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“I care…” I grumbled to myself laying the dresses on the bed in front of me. I ended up choosing the dress Luke hadn’t picked, mostly out of spite. I was undressing when Luke exited the bathroom. I kicked off my jeans as he stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“I’m sorry. If it’s important to you, it’s important to me,” He said quietly as he left a trail of light kisses from my ear down my neck. I closed my eyes and leant my head back against his chest, “I’d just rather stay here with you than go out tonight.” I turned around in his arms and looked into his sky blue eyes.

“I have to go.” His brow furrowed at my response, his hands falling from my waist.

“You never want to spend time with me anymore, you’re always with _them_.” He was fuming; I’d never seen him like this.

“Of course I’m always with them, they’re my bandmates-”

“That’s always your excuse. ‘They’re my bandmates,’ ‘He’s my bandmate’…” He shouted his arms flailing about in anger.

“They are!” I yelled, my cheeks heating up, “And if you’re going to start up about Niall again, forget it, I don’t want to deal with this right now!” I stormed passed Luke and shut myself in the bathroom.

“Fuck this. I’m out of here.” His voice boomed through the door, shaking me to my core.

“Fine! Fucking leave!” I screamed as the tears welled up in my eyes and threatened to spill onto my red hot cheeks. Seconds later I heard the hotel room door open, and then violently slam shut. I sat on the bathroom floor in only my bra and underwear, leaning against the bath with my knees pulled to my chest. I could hear my phone ringing out in the main room. I sighed heavily and wiped a rogue tear with the back of my hand as I pushed myself off the cold tiled floor. I leaned against the vanity and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

_Why am I putting up with this bullshit? Your mother taught you better than that… No man can raise his voice to you like that, it’s unacceptable._

I splashed some water on my face before heading out of the bathroom and picking up my phone which now had a voicemail since I had missed the call.

“Teags! Where are you?” Harry shouted over the music at the club, “We’re all here, wondering where you and Lucas are… you’re still coming, right?” I closed my eyes and started to get dressed as the message continued, “Maura keeps asking where you are. Oops… Niall’s giving me the stink eye; I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that,” Harry giggled, clearly a bit tipsy already, “ANYWAY! Get your ass down here, I need my dance partner.” With that, the message ended, and another began as I slipped my leather jacket on my shoulders and sat down on the edge of the bed to put on my heels.

“Hey, Teagan,” My ears pricked up at the sound of Niall’s ever so slightly intoxicated voice, “I don’t know where you are, but you should be here… I want you here…” I stared at the phone beside me, speechless as he went to continue, “I… just… yeah.” I let out a breath I didn’t realise I had been holding. After putting on a light dusting of powder, some mascara and a coating of lipgloss, I grabbed my phone and threw it into my handbag before swiftly leaving the room. I texted Harry to let him know I was on my way and received a reply almost instantly.

 _H_              - See you soon my dear.

I jumped into the taxi that was waiting outside the lobby and told him the address of the club. I called my security and told them I was on my way so they could protect me from any paps or fans as I entered the bar. Not even ten minutes later we had arrived, I told him to pull up a block down from the main entrance so I could walk up casually.

“Thought you weren’t gonna show,” Paul said as I stepped out of the taxi.

“Yeah well, you know me…” I smirked, covering my face as the flashes from the paparazzi cameras went off.

“Yeah, yeah, fashionably late as always.” He chuckled holding the door to the club open for me, the music thumping. He guided me over to where our group was, I was immediately enveloped in a bear hug from Liam.

“ _Literally_ everyone has been asking for you, where have you been?!” He asked, slurring his words slightly, the smell of Bacardi and Coke hanging on his breath.

“Oi oi!” I barely heard him over the music, I turned my head and saw Louis holding his drink in the air, stumbling slightly as he walked over to me, “Teagan’s here!” He announced to everyone, loudly, as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. Everyone took a second from their conversations to look over and give a little cheer before going back to what they were doing. Harry quickly got up out of his seat and made a beeline for me, making Louis grunt in frustration and walk away.

“You two really need to-” I started to say, but Harry leant down and started to whisper in my ear.

“Niall is looking for you…” My eyes widened, and I pulled back to look into Harry’s eyes. He had that look on his face which meant he was more than serious.

“What do I do?” I managed to squeak out. Harry thought about it for a second before leaning in again.

“I mean, talk to him, he’s your friend after all…” He shrugged, “But don’t do anything stupid.” He warned.

“Teagan!”

“Speak of the Irish Devil…” Harry murmured. I span around just in time for Niall to come running up and wrap his arms around my neck, squeezing me tight.

“Urgh!” Niall groaned, “You always smell so nice!” He was clearly wasted.

“Aww thanks,” I said gingerly removing his arms from me before anyone could snap a picture and accuse me of cheating, “You having a good night?”

“I am now…” He winked pointing at me with his half-empty beer bottle before taking a swig.

“Well, I’m glad you’re having fun.” I chuckled as I patted him on the shoulder. He hiccupped inaudibly as he slid his arm around my waist and rested his head on mine.

“I always have fun when you’re around,” He smiled softly, “You’re-”

“I know,” I rolled my eyes jokingly, “I’m such a good friend…” He looked down at me and frowned shaking his head.

“Nah,” He moved in front of me, held onto my shoulder with one looked me square in the eye, “You’re different… there’s something about you.” My heart skipped a beat as the words left his perfect pink lips.

“I think you’ve had a little too much to drink,” I said, trying to laugh it off. Niall took a shaky breath and moved closer to me, leaning in, so his lips brushed against my ear sending shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes and swallowed deeply.

“I think if you weren’t with Luke, and weren’t in a band together, things would be different… that’s what I think.” He took a small step back, and his breath fanned over my face. I slowly opened my eyes and was met with his beautiful, bright blue ones.

“What do you mean, different?” I asked stupidly.

“You know what I mean.” He replied in a tone I’d never heard him use before. The kind of tone that made me want to rip off his clothes on this dance floor and have my way with him.

“Heyyy! Look who it is, two of my favourite people…” Deo came bounding over, Guinness in hand. Niall took a step back from me and wiped his hand over his face in frustration before he walked off. I listened to Deo go on for about ten minutes about how Derby was better than any team, ever, or at least I pretended to listen anyway. As I sat with him in the VIP area, I watched Niall talking animatedly to Harry, who looked like he was trying to calm him down. Harry signalled me over, and I got the hint it was time to leave; it seemed like it was near closing time anyway. We all congregated near the exit, and once we were sure we were all present and accounted for, we left the club via the back door hoping to be slightly more inconspicuous. That didn’t turn out how we had hoped, at all. As the flashes from the cameras went off, we tried to cover our faces as best we could as we quickly made our way to the waiting taxis. I climbed into the cab first followed by Harry, Liam and Sofia. I thought Niall was going to join us, but he just stood on the side of the road with Deo and his other cousins and friends talking. I guessed their night wasn’t over.

“Have fun?” Harry asked from across the cab. I shrugged and looked out the window, replaying what Niall had said over and over again.

The next morning I was rudely awoken by my phone’s ringtone echoing throughout the room. I groaned and patted around the bedside table in search for the noisy device.

“Hello?” I yawned.

“I knew you were fucking him!” Luke shouted through the phone. I sat and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

“What?! What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Don’t even bother denying it, it’s all over the cover of The Sun, Teagan! Along with a great picture of you two leaving the bar together last night!”

“So your proof that I’m sleeping with Niall is… a photo of us as we and the rest of our friends left the club last night?” I asked incredulously.

“And the flowers.” He reminded me.

“And the flowers…” I sighed, “Yeah you’re right… you caught me.” My voice oozed sarcasm.

“This isn’t funny, Teagan. I love you. How could you do this to me?” It sounded as if he was crying.

“I haven’t _done_ anything,” I started, “I’m getting really over this jealous, possessive bullshit. When you want to talk to me like an adult, come see me. Until then-”

“But-”

“No Luke, goodbye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	22. 16

 

****

**2014**

**16.**

**“Don’t be so #modest…”**

“Teagan, you _cannot_ post that!” Harry chuckled as he flopped down beside me as I relaxed on my couch in my apartment in London. Normally on a day off, I tried to stay as far away from anything to do with One Direction as I could, totally disconnect myself from it, but I needed someone around me who understood, “If you’re trying to be subtle, you’re failing.” He laughed.

“I thought it was pretty good… it could mean anything.” I smirked as I scrolled through the filters, trying to decide which one made my picture look just right. A silence fell between us as Harry sipped on his tea before placing it back on the coffee table, “I mean, what are they going to do? Make me play happy families with the guy who may or may not be my ex? Keep me away from the boy I love?” I replied dryly, “Oh wait, they already are…” I muttered my thumb hovering over the ‘post’ button.

“Well, if you hadn’t worn that fucking hoodie in public in the first place, those fans wouldn’t have been able to get pictures of you in it and then put two and two together like that and Sam wouldn’t be on a rampage…” Harry said matter-of-factly, “And that picture of you and Niall in the paper didn’t exactly help-”

“You know,” I let out a heavy sigh and turned to face him cutting him off, “I’m already feeling like shit, I really don’t need you to exacerbate things.” Harry wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.

“What are best friends for?” I snuggled into his side as my phone pinged in my lapped as yet another text from Luke came through.

“Urgh!” I groaned loudly.

“Luke again?” Harry asked as I contemplated opening the text or not. I nodded, and seconds later my phone was snatched from my hand.

“Hey!” I whined as Harry jumped up from the couch and paced the living room while reading over the text.

“Teagan,” He read out, “I’ve tried calling, but you won’t answer, but I feel like you need to hear what I have to say. I’m sorry for everything that happened; I would take it all back if I could. I love you more than anything in the world,” Harry pretended to gag before continuing, “You are the love of my life…” He stopped pacing and stared blankly at me, “Seriously? I can’t deal with this kid.” He joked as he rolled his eyes.

“Give me the phone.” I chuckled holding out my hand. He shook his head and begrudgingly continued to read.

“No, no, no,” He smirked, “Wait, it gets better…” A shit-eating grin spreading across his face, “I know in my heart we are meant to be together, you are everything to me.” He burst out laughing, clutching his stomach.

“Hey now, it’s kinda sweet,” I said, trying to defend Luke while at the same time pressing my lips together to prevent myself from joining Harry as he cackled on my living room floor.

“I can’t breathe…” Harry snorted wiping the tears from his eyes.

“Just because you don’t have a romantic bone in your body-” I retorted snatching the phone from his hand and looking over the message.

“I’m very romantic, I’ll have you know,” He replied standing up from the floor, and wiping his hands over his shirt to smooth out any wrinkles, “I’m a gentleman-”

“HA!” I laughed loudly sitting back down on the couch, one leg under myself.

“I came over here to help you through this hard time, and you are just giving me shit! I will not stand for it…” He said in his best posh accent as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Oh wah, baby Harry need a tuddle?” I mocked jutting out my bottom lip. He scoffed melodramatically at my sarcasm and sat down across from me in the armchair, crossing one leg over the other as he raised an eyebrow at me.

“I am waiting for my apology…” He said simply spouting his lips ever so slightly.

“Honey, you gonna be waitin’ a long ass time!” I joked doing my best ‘ghetto’ voice. He shook his head as he chuckled at my terrible impression. At that moment my phone began to ring from beside me, I looked down and saw Luke’s face smiling up at me.

“Him?” Harry asked.

“Yes, _him_ ,” I replied picking up my phone; my thoughts jumping between answer it and hang up on the bastard. I sighed heavily and begrudgingly answered the call; after all, it was probably the 50th time he’d called since the argument, “Hello?”

“Babe! I’ve been trying to get in touch with you, did you get my messages?” His voice was laced with desperation.

“Yeah, I got them…” My voice was low and void of emotion.

“Baby, I’m so sorry-”

“So you keep saying, but you’re not here, are you? What did I say, Luke? If you want to fix this and talk about it like adults-” I said as I paced the living room floor, Harry’s intense eyes following me carefully as I spoke.

“I know; come see you…” He sighed heavily.

“Exactly! So, where have you been? Not here… I really wish you were, but-”

“Then open the door…” I stopped in my tracks, my eyes wide.

“What?” I managed to breathe out.

“You heard me, open the door.” I pulled back the curtains and looked out the window, and sure enough, there on my doorstep was Luke. I didn’t know what to do, say, or think, so I hung up the phone and quickly made my way down the stairs, Harry hot on my heels.

“Well?” Harry pushed as we reached the entrance.

“He’s outside,” I whispered, peeking through the peephole in the door.

“Are you gonna let him in?” He asked gently pushing me aside to look for himself.

“I have to; Sam will kill me if I don’t.” I shrugged.

“How would he know?” Harry frowned at me.

“Well, he seems to know everything else I do!” I joked though we both knew it was true.

“You’re right; he’s probably got tiny little cameras watching us right now!” Harry smirked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Ha. Ha…” I faked a laugh and looked through the peephole one more time, to check if Luke was still there.

“You don’t have to do this…” Harry reassured me placing a hand on my shoulder.

“You know that I do,” I replied looking up at him before taking a deep breath and yanking the door open. Luke had a look of surprise on his face, his arm frozen in position as if he was about to knock.

“For a second there, I thought you weren’t gonna let me in!” He chuckled.

“For a second there, I wasn’t,” I said, my mouth twitching into a small smile at the very sight of him. I stepped aside letting him come inside.

“Hey mate.” Luke grinned at Harry, extending his hand out. Harry glanced down at the hand in front of him, his face emotionless.

“Hello, Luke.” He deadpanned.

“Alrighty?” Luke said retracting his hand and stuffing it in his jacket pocket. Harry stepped forward and looked directly into Luke’s eyes.

“Listen, buddy, this is my best friend in the whole world, hurt her again, and I will see to it personally that your life is a miserable one, got it?” He threatened, poking Luke in the chest.

“Understood.” Luke nodded once and looked down at his shows. Harry turned to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

“I’m off, call me…” He said into my ear. He pulled away and grabbed his coat off the hook before taking one more look at Luke, “I’m watching you…” Then he was gone out the door and down the street to his car.

“Bye sweetie,” I called after him before I closed the door. I leaned against it and slowly brought my eyes up to meet Luke’s, “So, we have a lot to talk about.” He hung up his jacket before following me upstairs to the living room. I was sitting on one end of the couch anxiously waiting for him when he came in the room. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch, facing me. There was an awkward, tension-filled moment before he spoke.

“Do you want me to start?” He asked cautiously, I nodded biting my lip slightly, “Well, I guess I should start by saying that I was wrong, very wrong. I definitely overreacted and should never have screamed at you like that,” He took a deep, shaky breath before continuing, “You are the first girl I’ve ever really, truly loved and I-”

“Luke stop,” I interrupted, he shifted in his seat and tilted his head as he looked at me, “I love you, I do, but there’s just so much drama… especially with Sam and all that bullshit, I don’t know if I can handle it.”

“But we have to try,” He begged, scooting towards me and holding my hand in his, “I want to fix this.”

“I don’t know, Luke maybe we’re just not meant to be.” His thumb grazed over my knuckles lightly, and I sighed heavily, tears pricking my eyes.

“Don’t say that,” He said quietly, shuffling a little closer and slid his arm around my shoulder, “I love you, and I want to make this work.”

“Ok, but you have to understand that I am in a band with four other guys, and I’m with them ninety percent of the time,” I looked at him and he was pulling his lip ring between his teeth, like he always did when he was nervous or anxious about something, “You knew that when you met me…” I said giving him a knowing look.

“I know,” He replied sadly, his shoulders slumping slightly, “I just get so insecure that I’m not good enough for you and I constantly worry that you don’t love me like I love you.” I shifted in my seat and rested my head on his shoulder.

“I do love you,” I said, trying to reassure him. There was a moment of silence as we sat together, his head resting on mine.

“Can we just start over and have things be like they were before?” He asked quietly before placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head, “I miss you, baby.”

“I miss you too,” I responded, my voice barely audible. I snuggled into his side, burying my head in his warm chest, breathing in that intoxicating smell that was a mix of man and cologne.

“I’m not living if I’m not with you…” He whispered. We stayed cuddled on the couch for hours, just talking and watching Netflix.

“Should we order something? I’m starving.” I thought out loud as I stood up from the couch stretching my arms above my head. He let out a loud yawn and looked at the time.

“Fuck is that the time?!” His eyes wide as he stared at his phone, “I told Ash I was heading out for a minute, four hours ago…” He laughed to himself as he began to order a pizza online.

“He’ll understand, I’m sure.” I mused as I checked my phone for any messages, instantly regretting it.

 _H_              - tell him if he hurts you again, I’m cutting off his cock  
                - you think I’m kidding but I’ll do it  
                - seriously…

 _Niall_          - Spoke to Haz .  
                - Whats this about u and Luke gettin back together ?!  
                - Thought u broke up ?  
                - Need answers …

 _Sam_          - Have you spoken with Luke yet? I need you two on the same page ASAP. Call me once it’s sorted.

I rolled my eyes and placed my phone back on the coffee table before sitting down beside Luke once more. I wasn’t going to deal with any of that tonight. Tonight I was going to focus on fixing my relationship, for real. Sam thought that Luke and I were broken up, but he wanted us to stay together for publicity purposes, but I didn’t want it to be for show, I didn’t want it to be an act. I looked at Luke as he scrolled on his phone, a small smile on face. He glanced over at me and smiled at me adoringly, and I knew in my heart that I truly loved him. We might fight, we might not always see eye to eye, but we would make it work.

Meantime, that nagging voice in the back of my mind… _what about Niall?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	23. 17

 

  ****

**2014**

**17.**

“Ayyyy! Look who it is!” Ashton beamed as he stood aside to let us into the 5SOS house in London. It was late July, so we were happy to get in out of the cold. I walked in first, followed closely by Harry and my other best friends Lucy and Cory. We had a couple of weeks off between the European and North American legs of the tour, so Luke and Ashton decided to have a joint birthday party.

“Hey Ash,” I smiled, planting a quick kiss on his cheek, “Happy birthday!”

“Thanks, gorgeous,” He replied grinning back at me, “Luke’s upstairs.”

“Still doing his hair?” I chuckled. He rolled his eyes and nodded, a bubble of laughter leaving his lips, “This is Lucy,” I informed him indicating to my blonde friend, “And this is her boyfriend, Cory.” I said gesturing towards the dark brown haired man in front of us.

“Nice to meet you both,” Ashton smiled shaking Cory’s hand before turning to Harry who had been standing there fiddling with the gifts he’d bought for the birthday boys, “Haz!”

“Happy birthday!” Harry called out before the two young men embraced each other in a ‘bro-hug’, “This is for you,” He passed Ashton the present, a shy smile on his face, “If you hate it I can take it back.” He said scratching the back of his neck. Ashton examined the box and held it up to his ear before giving it a small shake.

“Thanks, dude, I’m sure it’s great whatever it is.” Ashton led the four of us inside and showed us where we could hang our coats and put our bags before he showed us into the living room where the party had already begun. I spotted Niall from across the room talking with Calum as they bopped along to the loud music. Our eyes connected for a second before I looked away and tapped Harry on the shoulder.

“I’m gonna go find Luke!” He nodded and watched after me as I made my way up the stairs. I could feel another set of eyes on me; I knew who they belonged to. I looked back and saw Niall pushing his way through the crowd as he held his beer in the air to keep it safe. I ignored the feeling stirring in my stomach and continued up the stairs and towards Luke’s room. When I got there, I found him standing in front of a mirror straightening out his shirt and fiddling with his hair. I leaned against the doorframe and crossed my arms over my chest, “Hey sexy…” I smirked. He span around in a panic, relief quickly setting in on his face, “What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” I asked with a raised eyebrow as I walked towards him.

“Hey, you look great…” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face down level with mine, “The things I want to do to you…” He whispered before pressing his soft lips against mine.

“Don’t worry, birthday boy; you can do whatever you want to me later.” I winked after I pulled away dragging my nails down his chest gently.

“But, I wanna do it now!” He whined playfully, jutting out his bottom lip. I giggled and reattached my lips to his. His tongue traced along my bottom lip before snaking its way into my awaiting mouth.

“Am I interrupting?” I heard Niall’s voice echo through the room, and we jumped apart like two teenagers that had been caught by their parents.

“Yes…” Luke muttered under his breath, causing me to gasp slightly and smack him in the chest softly.

“Hey Niall, how’s your break going?” I asked nicely as Luke slid his arm around my waist, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Not too bad, bit of golf, catching up with mates… the usual,” He replied as he leant against the doorframe, shoving his left hand into his pocket, looking over at us, “How about you?”

“Pretty good.” I nodded awkwardly, glancing down at the floor then up at Luke.

“Yeah, we’ve been keeping… _busy_ …” Luke said, not so subtly implying what we’d been up to these couple of weeks before planting a kiss on my temple. Niall took a swig of his beer and pushed himself off the wooden doorframe.

“I’m sure you have,” He mumbled, his brow furrowed, “Anyway, just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, mate…” His voice trailing off as he began to back out of the room.

“Thanks,” Luke replied smugly pulling me into his side.

“I’ll see you both downstairs,” Niall mumbled before trudging out of the room and back down the stairs. I turned to Luke raising a speculative eyebrow.

“What?” He chuckled, “What’d I say?” I scoffed, rolling my eyes at his immaturity and began to make my way out of his bedroom, “Babe…” I waved my hand dismissively and left the room, making my way back down to the party.

“Teags!” I heard Calum’s voice over the music as I pushed my way through the crowd of bodies and headed for the kitchen, “Drink?” He asked me as I rested against the counter.

“Vodka and lemonade, please,” I replied sighing heavily, pushing my hand through my hair in frustration. He nodded and went to work mixing the alcohol and soft drink in a red solo cup.

“Here you go.” He smiled that cheeky smile of his as he passed me my cocktail. I thanked him and took a sip as I looked around the room at all the different people, many of them I didn’t know.

“There you are!” Luke exclaimed as he came into the kitchen, arms outstretched in front of him. I rolled my eyes and went to take another sip of my drink only to have him take it out of my hands and place it on the counter beside me, “You know I don’t like it when you drink…” He said stepping forward, pressing his body against mine, whispering seductively in my ear, “You’re being a very naughty girl.” He pulled away and winked as he drew his lip ring between his teeth.

“Are you two getting in the picture or not?” Michael asked as he stood in front of Ashton, Calum and some of their friends, gesturing for Luke and me to join the group for a photo in the middle of the kitchen. I crouched down between Luke and Ashton and gave a thumbs up, pouting my lips slightly as the flash on the phone camera went off.

“Lemme see!” Ashton said as he fought Michael for the phone. We all made our way back out to the main party, as we did the music stopped, the lights went out, and a hush fell over the crowd. Calum and Michael came out of the kitchen carrying a large cake with a picture of Ashton and Luke on the top and candles around the edge. Everyone began to sing an off-key chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ as the cake made its way over to the birthday boys. They slung an arm around each other and laughed in embarrassment before blowing out the candles together. Calum passed the cake to a couple of friends who took it back to the kitchen to be served.

“Ok, everyone shut up!” Michael shouted playfully from beside Ashton, “We’re here tonight to celebrate the births of two annoying assholes…” He joked causing everyone to chuckle, “That also happen to be two of my best mates, Ashton and Luke,” Everyone in the room cheered, Luke took my hand squeezed it gently looking for reassurance. Even though he was in a famous band, he was never that comfortable with all that attention on him, “Ashton, you’re 20 now… getting to be a fucking old man now. Don’t worry; we’ve already ordered your dentures.” The crowd laughed loudly as Michael roasted Ashton, slapping him on the back. Calum then took over and turned his attention to Luke.

“Now, for little Lukey…” Luke grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him, “We will never understand why this fucking smoking hot chick puts up with you…” He planted a loving kiss on my cheek causing a blush to cross my cheeks. A crash from the back of the room and caught my attention. I looked over and saw Harry holding Niall’s arm and whispering into his ear, irritation across his features. I set my focus back on Calum as he continued, “Nevertheless, she does, and you’re one lucky son of a bitch,” A loud laugh came from where Niall and Harry were, and I furrowed my brow at the two boys. Harry shook his head in disbelief and shrugged in my direction, “Anyway, finally 18 years old, welcome to manhood you lanky prick; we love you.”

“If everyone could raise their glasses,” Michael ordered, raising his voice so everyone could hear, “To Luke and Ashton!” Each person cheered and repeated the toast, calling out their names with beaming smiles.

“Alright, enough of that shit,” Ashton laughed, “Let’s fuckin’ party!” The music started up, and all the guests returned to their dancing and drinking. Luke turned towards me, pulling me into his chest and placing his lips on mine.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” He smiled softly as he pulled away, looking into my eyes. His hands rested on my hips as we swayed gently to the thumping music. My fingers traced up his chest and snaked around his neck, “I wish you’d worn the red dress though, it looks better on you.” Someone bumped into the back of Luke causing me to stumble backwards and him forward before I could respond. I frowned and looked up to see who had done it. _Niall…_

“Whoops!” He slurred as he wiped some spilt beer from his jeans.

“You alright, mate?” Luke asked trying to help Niall from falling over. Niall yanked his arm from Luke’s grasp scowling at the tall blonde.

“I’m perfectly fine…” He mumbled, straightening out his shirt, “She’s fine, you’re fine…” He continued gesturing towards Luke, “I mean, you’re more than fine, aren’t you? You got the girl…” Niall’s voice trailing towards the end of his sentence.

“Ni, I think you’ve had a little too much to drink-” I stepped forward between the two boys and tried to stop Niall from saying something he’d regret in the morning.

“What makes _you_ so fucking special, ay?” Niall glared at Luke over my shoulder, his chest puffed out, “Why you?” Luke pushed me aside, causing me to come off balance slightly and pushed his chest up against Niall’s, “Do _not_ push her!” Niall shouted back at him in my defence shoving Luke in the chest, my hand flew to my mouth as I stared at the scene in front of me, just like everyone else in the room was now doing.

“She’s my girlfriend! Not yours!” Luke shouted at the top of his lungs giving Niall a quick shove back.

“You think I don’t know that, asshole?!”

“What is your fucking problem?” Luke glowered down at the Irishman.

“You’re my fucking problem!” He screamed back at him, “You don’t treat her the way she deserves to be treated,” He continued, glancing sideways at me, “She’s perfect, a princess, and you treat her like something to controlled, to be kept, all to yourself-”

“You don’t know shit, fuck you!” Luke lunged forward, but Ashton stepped in, just in time, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him back.

“That’s enough!” Michael bellowed, taking Niall by his upper arm and dragging him out of the house. I could hear Niall shouting from the street, I went to check on him, but Harry held an arm out in front of me and gave me a warning look.

“Stay with Luke,” He ordered, “I’ll check on Niall.” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as I watched my best friend walk out the front door. I looked over at Luke who was storming up the stairs, Calum following after him.

“Sorry about that everyone,” Ashton called out over the music to the onlookers, “Boys will be boys…” He chuckled shrugging as he took a swig from his beer bottle. Lucy was standing awkwardly beside me biting her lip nervously; confrontation made her anxious. Cory stepped forward from beside her and spoke into my ear.

“You should go after him.” I nodded and quickly made my way up the stairs and towards Luke’s room.

“It’s just so much fucking drama, man…” Luke’s voice came from the other side of the door.

“The guy’s clearly got a crush dude,” I heard Calum say as I lingered in the hallway, “But you have nothing to worry about, she’s your girlfriend, she loves you.” He tried to reassure his friend.

“I’m not so sure she does,” Luke replied, his voice strained as though he’d been crying, “I just always feel like she’s keeping something from me.”

“I obviously don’t know Teagan as well as you do, but I know she’s not a liar mate,” Calum said trying to calm him, “And I don’t think she’s one to keep secrets,” I opened the door and saw my boyfriend sitting on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees with his head in his hands. Calum was sitting next to Luke, a comforting hand on his back. He looked over at me and gave me a quick nod of acknowledgement, “I’ll give you two some privacy.” He said before patting Luke on the back and leaving the room, closing the door behind him. I sat down next to Luke on the bed, after a moment he reached out a hand and interlaced his fingers with mine.

“I know you’re probably angry-” He started, his voice shaky.

“No sweetie, I’m not mad at you,” I said in a soothing tone, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“I didn’t mean to push you,” Luke said quietly, his voice wavering, “I’m sorry… I just can’t control my temper sometimes…” He mumbled as a tear rolled down his pale cheek.

“You didn’t start it, baby,” I reasoned with him, resting my head on his shoulder, “I don’t know what Niall’s problem is lately-”

“Teagan, it’s obvious, and this isn’t me being protective, or paranoid,” I sat up straight and looked him in the eyes, confused, “Niall is in love with you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


	24. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Image below edited by me

****

**2014**

**18.**

It was late August in Chicago, and we’d just finished our second show at Soldier Field, and we were now leaving the venue. I hadn’t really spoken to Niall in over a month; I was still reeling from how he’d acted at the party. Of course, he and Luke were on good terms again, although Luke was anxious about us being left alone, he was convinced Niall was in love with me. I thought otherwise. He’d had a million chances to just say it if that was the case, but he hadn’t.  
_If he loved me, he would’ve told me… wouldn’t he? But then again, I love him, and I’ve never said anything… it’s just such a mess…_

“Penny for your thoughts?” Liam asked as he tossed an old copper coin in the air as he, Harry and I sat in the back of the tour bus; Louis and Niall heading straight for their bunks.

“Don’t ask her, it’s probably about you know who…” Harry speculated, his head resting back on the soft couch, a towel slung around his neck.

“Ohh… I wasn’t there, so I still don’t know what happened.” Liam replied, pulling his sweat-laden shirt up and over his head and tossing it somewhere in the room. Harry opened his eyes and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Well!” He started, a mischievous grin on his face, “See, what happened was-”

“Alright, that’s it,” My arms flailing in the air in front of me to stop him continuing, “You’ve officially told… EVERYONE!” I said exasperatedly with wide eyes.

“False,” Harry stated holding up a finger, “I didn’t tell Louis.” I stared at the green-eyed boy in wonder, my mouth agape.

“You don’t talk to Louis!” I replied in bemusement.

“Exactly… so, I haven’t told him, and I won’t.” He smiled. I shook my head in amazement and looked at Liam for support. He could only shrug his shoulders in reply.

“You’re an idiot.” I chuckled at Harry as I stood up.

“Love you!” He called after me as I exited the back area of the bus, a smug grin on his adorable face. I shook my head again and flipped him the bird as the door separating the bunks and back area closed.

“Teagan?” I was startled by a voice behind me. I span around clutching my chest as I regained my breath. Standing in front of me, in only his boxers, was Niall, “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you…”

“It’s fine.” I managed to say after I regained my composure. He scratched the back of his neck as he looked at the floor.

“I just wanted to say-” He started.

“Save it,” I said harshly, holding a hand up in front of him, “Whatever excuse you’ve concocted, I don’t want to hear it.” I went to push past him and as I did the bus came to a screeching halt sending me flying, landing on with a thud on my back, Niall falling not so gracefully on top of me.

“Is everyone alright?” The driver called out from the front of the bus.

“Are you ok?” Niall whispered from above me, his forearms resting either side of my head. The pain radiating in my back was overwhelmed by this feeling in my stomach. Everything inside me told me to just grab him by the back of his neck and kiss him. Just do it.

“I’m fine,” I mumbled, ignoring my instincts and squirming out from underneath the blue-eyed Irishman above me. I quickly stood up and straightened out my sweaty stage clothes, I could feel multiple sets of eyes burning into my back. I turned and saw Harry, Liam standing in the doorway to the back area and Louis poking his head out from his bunk, all three staring at the scene in front of them.

“It’s not- We weren’t-” Niall stuttered, blushing furiously.

“We fell,” I informed them.

“Ah right, glad you’re all still up-” Sam said as he strode through the bus towards us.

“Hard not to be with all this fookin’ noise…” Louis mumbled from his bunk.

“What was with the sudden stop?” Harry asked frowning.

“A car pulled out in front of the bus,” Sam stated simply like it was no big deal, “But you’re all alive, so it’s ok…” He slapped Niall on the back and grinned widely. Niall rubbed his shoulder and furrowed his brow, “Now when we get back to the hotel we have to do some re-takes for the new album, ok?” The five of us groaned, and Sam pointed a short, stubby finger at us, “None of that. It’ll only take a couple of hours. We’ll be there soon, so get dressed, do what you gotta do. When it’s your turn, I’ll give you a shout.” With that, he walked down to the front of the bus and made another phone call.

“Only a couple of hours…” Liam scoffed, “Easy for him to say, he just has to sit on his fat arse!” Louis chuckled and pulled the curtain back so he could go back to sleep for a while.

“Someone wake me when it’s my turn!” He called from his little cave. Harry, Liam and I all looked at each other before we all held our index fingers up to the sides of our noses. Niall groaned and threw his arms in the air dramatically.

“Ah, what? When did we start doing that?”

“Sorry mate; nose goes.” Harry laughed patting Niall on the shoulder and squeezing past him to get to his bunk. Liam followed behind him before climbing up into his own bunk leaving Niall and I standing there awkwardly once again.

“So-”

“Niall, Luke may have let it go, but I’m still really mad at you,” I told him as I leaned down to my bunk below Louis’ and got some clean clothes from my suitcase, “You really embarrassed me.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking, I don’t even remember what I said,” I sighed heavily and stood up straight flicking my hair over my shoulder as I turned to look at him, “I’m sor-”

“I know, you’re sorry,” His eyes bore into my soul, I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and kiss his perfect pink lips, but I couldn’t, and I knew I never could, “It’s just best if we stay away from each other…”

“Well, that’s gonna be a bit hard,” He scoffed crossing his arms over his naked chest, “We see each other every single day-” My brows knitted together and I bit my lip in frustration.

“I know!” I said angrily stomping my foot, “What I mean is, unless we _have_ to be around each other, just keep your distance,” I sighed heavily. Niall’s features filled with sadness, it broke my heart, “It’s for the best…” He looked down at the ground, his shoulders hunched over.

“Do you really think that?” I wanted to scream no, hold him tight and never let him go. I loved him more than anything in the world, but I couldn’t be with him. My heart ached for him.

“I-”

“Teagan, Harry, Niall. You’re up first.” Sam shouted from the front of the bus. I hadn’t even noticed the bus had pulled up outside the hotel.

“I just have to change quickly,” I called back, my eyes not leaving Niall’s.

“Me too.” Niall piped up as he began to rummage in his bunk for some clothes.

“Well, hurry up yeah? This album won’t record itself.” Sam snapped as texted on his phone hurriedly.  I stepped into the small toilet cubicle and began to change. After changing out of my stage clothes and into a comfy striped jumper and some leggings, I stared at my reflection in the mirror that was bolted to the wall.

_Everything is just so messed up… I don’t even know what to do anymore. I hate Sam for putting me in this position. I just want to be with Niall, to hold him and tell him how much he means to me. I hate him for making me stay with Luke, for making me keep my distance from the one I truly love._

A loud pounding came from the other side of the door starling me out of my thoughts.

“Let’s get a move on,” Sam’s voice thundered and echoed in the small room. I rolled my eyes and opened the door with a huff only to bump straight into Sam’s chest, “It’s about time.” He mumbled before storming off the bus, Harry and Niall following after him. I grabbed my phone from my bunk and made my way off the bus, jogging after my two bandmates and our surly manager. The four of us stepped into the hotel elevator and waited in silence as it made its way to the correct floor. Once the elevator reached its destination, a ping rang through the air, and the door slid open letting us out. We stepped onto the plush carpet of the hotel corridor and made our way to the hotel room where we would be recording for the night.

“I have a feeling it’s gonna be a long one,” Harry observed stretching his arms behind his back while we waited for Sam to open the door. Once it was unlocked Harry and I made our way inside, Niall took a step to follow us, but Sam grabbed hold of his arm, pulling him back into the corridor.

“Niall, a word?” I looked back over my shoulder, Sam looking me in the eye as he closed the door. Harry tugged on my sleeve to get my attention, and I shrugged him off.

“I’ll be there in a second,” I said dismissively as I walked towards the door, pressing my ear against it. Harry tutted and strode over beside me.

“We shouldn’t be eavesdropping…” He whispered as he placed his head next to mine against the wood.

“I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times Horan; stay away from her-”

“It’s not that easy, I can’t help how I feel!” My eyes connected with Harry’s and we both frowned in confusion.

“Well, try fucking harder,” The door handle jiggled slightly causing Harry and me to both jump back, “You might think you’re in love with her, but you’re just a kid. You’ll get over it.” My jaw dropped as I leaned against the wall. Harry stood in front of me, towering over my petite frame as he always had. My mouth opened and closed like a goldfish as I tried to process what I’d just heard.

“I know.” Was all he said as he pulled me into his arms and held me close. The door opened slightly, and I heard Niall’s defiant voice.

“You can’t stop me from loving her,” Harry’s hold tightened around me as my breath caught in my throat, “I always have, and I always will.” I buried my face in Harry’s chest as the tears well up in my eyes. There was a pause before either of them spoke again.

“You done?” Sam snarled.

“I know about Luke,” Niall started tentatively, “I know that he’s only with her because you made him, so you could control who she’s with, where she is, so she wouldn’t think about anyone else, or God forbid… _me_.” My heart stopped in my chest. Sam’s maniacal laugh echoed through my soul.

“Grow up, kid. It’s business. When you’re older, you’ll understand why all this is in your best interest.”

“When they come in, just pretend like you haven’t heard anything, ok?” I searched Harry’s eyes for a reason, an explanation, but I was too shocked but all the information rushing through my brain to reply. I simply nodded and walked over to the small couch, plonking myself down pretending to read through the notes Julian had left on the coffee table in front of me.

“Niall isn’t feeling very well, so he’s gone back down to the bus for a bit,” Sam lied through his teeth as he came into the room rubbing his hands together, “Shall we get started?”


	25. 19

****

**2014**

**19.**

“So… decided what you want to eat?” I shrugged, resting my chin on my hand, my elbow on the table as I stared out the window of the restaurant as the cars passed us by. Luke let out a deep sigh and placed his menu down on the table, “I already apologised for fighting with Niall at the party-” I frowned sitting back in my chair and looking down at my hands folded in my lap.

“It’s not about that,” I mumbled. It was mid-November, the tour was long over, and our new album was due out in a matter of days. Weeks had gone by without me saying a word of what I’d heard in the hotel that night, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Then what’s it about?” He asked, reaching his hands out across the table. He gestured for me to take his hand, begrudgingly I did, “If you don’t tell me what I’ve done wrong, baby, I can’t fix it…” He said as he rubbed his thumb across my knuckles. I took a shallow, wavering breath and looked into his eyes, my bottom lip quivering.

“I know everything.” I finally managed to say. Luke’s brow knotted together in confusion as he stared at me.

“What are you talking about?” He asked quietly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he gulped heavily. I shook my head in disbelief.

“Cut the bullshit, Luke,” I said yanking my hand from his. His eyes widened, his cheeks blushing furiously as he pulled his lip ring between his teeth.

“Don’t do this here,” He begged noticing a member of the paparazzi loitering outside the restaurant, waiting for us. Luke faked a smile and sat back in his chair, “Let’s just get through this dinner and we’ll talk about it when we get home, ok?”

“I’m not even hungry,” I replied taking my napkin off my lap and throwing it down on the table in front of me, narrowing my eyes at Luke, “How could you?” My voice unconsciously raised as my eyes bored into him.

“Teagan, not here.” He pleaded under his breath glancing around the restaurant at the other patrons who had begun to take notice of our little tiff.

“Well, we haven’t ordered yet so let’s just leave.” I stood up abruptly, heaving my handbag over my shoulder and storming towards the exit.

“Teagan!” Luke called as he chased after me. He caught up to me and put his arm around my side as we walked out the big glass doors of the establishment. I tried to wriggle away from him, but he kept a firm grip on my waist.

“Luke! Teagan!” The paparazzi shouted as we walked down the street, the blinding flashes from the multiple cameras going off in our faces; something I never got used to. I tried my best to ignore them, but their barrage of questions was relentless.

“What’s going on with you and Niall?”  
“Is it true you’re thinking of leaving One Direction?”  
“Luke, what you make of the Niall and Teagan rumours?”

“Luke!” Luke slowed down to listen to one balding man carrying a video camera on his shoulder, “Rumours are spreading of trouble in paradise for you two?” He pulled open the door to our awaiting car, and I climbed into the back seat, “Any truth to that?” Luke chuckled, and a false grin spread across his face.

“Nah mate, very much in love… Actually, we’ve just had our one year anniversary; we couldn’t be happier.” My jaw clenched as he glanced at me from the sidewalk as I clutched at the white gold Tiffany key that now hung around my neck, his gift to me. I thought about the gift I’d bought him, a metallic frost blue PRS Mira guitar, how I wanted so badly to return it at that moment.

“Thanks, man, congrats on the anniversary, you have a good night.” Luke nodded and waved goodbye before climbing into the car beside me.

“That was quite the performance,” I said sarcastically as the car pulled away from the curb and began to drive down the streets of Los Angeles. Luke kept quite the entire ride back to my house, checking his phone every so often, me doing the same. When we arrived, I thanked the driver for the ride and headed inside, Luke following behind me. I dropped my handbag and keys on the table in the hall and kicked off my heels as Luke shut the door.

“Ok so-” He started to say as he began to take off his black Vans.

“Don’t bother; you won’t be staying long.” I snapped as I stormed into the kitchen, my hands on my hips, lips pursed.

“Babe-” He started as he moved towards me.

“Don’t call me that,” I shouted pushing him away from me with all my strength, “How could you do this to me? How could you pretend to love me, use me like that?” He stepped forward again held onto my shoulders.

“Stop shouting, and just listen to me!” He implored, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“I don’t want to hear you try and worm your way out of this,” I sneered as I tried to squirm free of his grasp, “I mean, no wonder you were so fucking desperate to fix things last time-”

“You think you know the whole story, you don’t know shit,” He yelled releasing me causing me to stumble slightly, “You’re so fucking stubborn, you never listen!” He said as he threw his arms in the air in frustration. I sat down a stool at the island in the centre of the kitchen.

“Fine. I’m listening.” I glowered at Luke, my arms crossed over my chest, barely able to contain my anger. He let out a deep, shaky breath as he leaned against the edge of the dining table across from me, one hand keeping his balance, the other running through his perfectly quaffed hair.

“I…” He started to speak but stopped himself as he struggled to find the words, “I want you to know that it hasn’t all been fake,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes as his voiced wavered, begging me to believe him, “Sam came to me last year and told me that it would be in my best interest if you and I started dating…” My jaw clenched as I ground my teeth together, “I thought you were kinda hot, so I agreed-”

“Uh, thanks?” I replied sarcastically.

“Shut up for once in your life, will you?” He ordered groaning loudly, both hands finding their way to the back of his neck as he stared at the ceiling for a moment. His hands fell back down by his side in defeat as he looked at me again, “It was only supposed to be for a bit, just to distract you from Niall…” My eyes widened, “You think I don’t know?” He scoffed, “I’ve always known…” I was at a loss for words, my mouth agape as I stared at the boy in front of me, “I gave you so many chances to tell me the truth, to be honest with me-”

“Don’t turn this around on me; you’re the one who broke my trust!”

“You can’t exactly play the victim, Teagan,” He said, and dared to smirk, “We’ve been lying to each other… I’m just better at it than you are.” He shrugged.

“So everything… every word, every touch, every kiss… was complete bullshit?” I cried, hot tears threatening to spill onto my cheeks.

“No,” He hushed as he pushed himself off the table and wrapped his arms around me, “I really did fall in love with you, that wasn’t a lie, I could never fake that,” I whispered into my hair, “I love you very much.”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore…” I mumbled, my head buried in Luke’s chest.

“We’ve both fucked up,” He said quietly holding me at arm’s length so he could look into my eyes once more, “But we’re good together-” A bubble of laughter escaped my lips.

“All we do lately is fight,” I pointed out, “All you want to do is control me-”

“And you have feelings for another dude!” He retorted, “Neither of us is perfect; all relationships have their flaws…” He joked with a shrug of his broad shoulders, “And yeah, I won’t argue, when all this started I was only with you because I was being forced by management, but baby, I am so in love with you; I will do anything to make this work.” I searched his eyes to see if he was in fact still lying.

“I can’t-” I started to say shrugging away from his touch. His face dropped as he glanced down at the floor then back at me.

“Is there any way we can get past this?” He asked hopefully. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my long brown hair.

“I just… I don’t know.”

“Do you still love me?” He wondered, his voice barely audible.

“I do,” I answered honestly, “But, I also love him…” I admitted to him for the first time. His shoulders fell as he nodded sitting down on the stool beside me. We sat in contemplative silence for a moment before I took a deep wavering breath, “Maybe we should take a break,” I thought out loud, I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my head, “Just until we figure out what we want-”

“I know what I want. I want you,” He stated plainly. I slowly turned my head to meet his gaze, “I have a lot to work on, I know that; but I really, really want to make this work… and not just cos some douche of a manager says so,” He turned towards me resting his arm on the kitchen island and leaning forward, “I’m willing to fight for this, for us. You mean the absolute world to me and-”

“You just have to give me time, ok?” I pleaded as I watched a tear roll down his pale cheek. As soon as it was there, it was gone as he wiped it away with the back of his hand. He pushed himself up from his stool and stood in front of me, taking my hands in his. He pulled me up to a standing position and placed my arms around his neck one after the other before his own hands settled on my hips. He rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closed tightly.

“Everything I am is because I love you.” He whispered leaning down and pressing his supple lips against mine. His tongue ran across my bottom lip and against my better judgement granted him access. My hands found his hair instinctively, grabbing and tugging at the blonde locks. He groaned as our tongues fought for dominance. We broke apart only for a second to look into each other’s eyes. Both nodding, our mouths reattached in a mash of teeth and tongues. As we stumbled into my bedroom, our clothes fell from our bodies. My calves collided with my bed and we fell onto the mattress in a naked heap.

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. I squinted as the sunlight hit my tired eyes. I reached down to pull the sheets up over my naked body before I stretched my arms over my head and let out a mighty yawn. I looked around the room, but there was no sign of Luke, nothing besides a handwritten note on my bedside table. I let out a hefty breath as I reached across the bed and lazily pawed for the piece of paper. Once I’d managed to retrieve it, I sat back in my seated position and examined it carefully.

_My baby,_

_Take all the time you need – I’m yours, now and forever._

_Your Lukey xoxo_


	26. 20

****

 

**2014/2015**

**20.**

“This party fucking blows!” I shouted over the music into Lucy’s ear. She nodded back at me, her eyes searching the room for Cory.

“Yeah, I hate it when it snows…” She shouted back. I stared her with a blank expression.

“You’re a moron,” I said cupping hands over my mouth. She looked at me, squinting her drunken eyes.

“What? Kings of Leon?” I patted her on the shoulder and chuckled to myself.

“I’m gonna go find Harold, stay here,” I told her as I looked around the room.

“I can’t hear you, I’ll just wait here.” She yelled pointing to where she was standing. I gave her a thumbs up and started to push through the heaving bodies that had filled my flat in London. It was New Year’s Eve, and I hadn’t seen Luke in over a month. He was respecting my wishes and keeping his distance; so much so that he’d gone back to Australia for the holidays. We had originally planned to go together but, things changed.

“There you are!” Harry beamed as he pushed a red solo cup into my hands as I entered the kitchen, “Drink up, it’s New Year’s!” I held the rim of the plastic cup to my nose and sniffed.

“Oh my God, what the fuck is that?” I gagged pouring the mysterious beverage down the sink.

“A little bit of this, a little bit of that…” He smirked sipping on his drink, “Enjoying the festivities?”

“Not at all,” I admitted taking a handful of crisps from the bowl on the counter, “I’m starving, I’m tired, the music’s shit and to top it off, I don’t even know half these people!” I complained shoving the crisps in my mouth. Harry watched on with a disgusted look on his face.

“Mini quiche?” He asked as he held up the party food. I reached out and grabbed it from his hand biting into to ravenously, “Are you ok?” He frowned.

“No Harold, I’m not ok,” I replied, my mouth full. I swallowed what remained in my cheeks and continued, “When did life become so fucking complicated?” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I had no idea why.

“And when did you start swearing so much?” He laughed wrapping his arm around my shoulder passing me a napkin and resting his head on mine. I shrugged and dabbed at the corner of my eyes with the paper napkin, “Here’s an idea, let’s get really drunk and forget all the bullshit, ay? How’s that sound?” He smiled as he squeezed my shoulder. I giggled and nodded, “That’s my girl.”

“Oi oi!” My neck practically snapped as I heard his voice.

“I thought he was in Ireland for the holidays…” Harry said to no one in particular.

“So did I,” Our eyes connected across the room. He smiled and waved in my direction before pushing through the crowd, “Shit, what do I do?” I asked Harry nervously. He looked down at me confusion knitted on his features.

“Talk to him?” I rolled my eyes and slapped his chest.

“You are no fucking help.”

“That’s enough from you, Miss Pottymouth!” He joked as Niall came to a stop in front of us.

“Happy New Year!” He grinned. Harry and I each returned the greeting as he ‘bro-hugged’ Harry and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, “Oh, this is for you.” He beamed proudly handing me a small square package wrapped in gaudy Christmas paper.

“You really didn’t have to-”

“It’s nothing special, and if you don’t like it, I can take it back,” I went to open it, but he stopped me before I could even make a nick in the paper, “Open it later.” I nodded and placed the gift in one of the cupboards for safe keeping.

“Where’s mine?” Harry asked holding his hand to chest, his eyes wide.

“Oh sorry, mate,” Niall pretend to search his pockets before throwing the middle finger up the green-eyed lad in front of him, “Here you go!” He smirked.

“Aww, you shouldn’t have!” Harry cooed ruffling the shorter boys hair, “So, what are you drinking, Nialler?” Harry asked the Irishman.

“You know me, I’m easy… beer is fine.” He smiled his lopsided smile as Harry passed him a bottle of lager.

“What shall we cheers to?” Harry asked as he held his cup up in the air. Niall thought for a moment, scratching his chin before clinking his beer bottle against Harry’s red cup.

“To a great fucking year, with great fucking people… may 2015 be as fucking spectacular.”

“What is it with everyone today?” Harry chuckled, “Just swearing like there’s no tomorrow!” I held my cup up with Niall and Harry’s and sighed happily.

“To being with the ones you truly love,” I said without thinking, causing both Harry and Niall to stare at me, “What?” I shrugged before I downed my drink. The three of us stood talking for a while when my ears pricked up at the sound of Bruno Mars booming through the speakers. A smile spread across my face as I grabbed Niall and Harry by their hands and dragged them into the living room and onto the makeshift dancefloor.

“You know I’m a shit dancer!” Niall laughed as he bopped along to one of the best songs to come out of 2014; Uptown Funk.

“I’m aware, yes.” I nodded giggling as I watched the two men ‘dance’.

“I’ll be back…” Harry spoke into my ear before slinking off through the swarm of bodies and down the hall, leaving Niall and me alone in the crowd. As I watched him walk away, I cursed him silently for leaving me here. Uptown Funk came to an end, and Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud started to play. There was an awkward tension in the air between Niall and me.  
_Do we dance? Do we walk away? What happens now might change everything…_

Before I could overthink it any more, Niall stepped forward, placed my left hand on his shoulder, his right hand fell to my waist and took my right hand in his left. As we swayed gently to the music in the sea of people, I felt as though we could’ve floated away. His temple rested against mine and I could hear every breath the left his parted lips.   
As the chorus came, Niall took a small step back and span me around with a cheeky smile on his face causing me to giggle like a schoolgirl. I returned to his arms, both his hands resting on my hips, one of my hands wrapping around his neck, my other hand holding onto his firm bicep. We stared into each other’s eyes as the lyrics seemed to resonate more and more.

_We found love right where we are  
And we found love right where we are…_

“THIS IS IT!” Someone shouted from the back of the room as the song faded out. The countdown to midnight had begun, and I couldn’t bring myself to let Niall go. As the people around us began to shout, counting down from ten to one, Niall looked around the room and took a deep breath.

“I meant every word.” He shouted over the other voices.

“What?” I frowned shaking my head slightly.

“What I said to Luke at the party,” He started to say, biting his lip, pausing before continuing, “He doesn’t deserve you,” He took one on my hands in his, his other hand cupping my cheek and looked deep into my eyes, “You deserve to be truly loved.”

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” It all happened in slow motion. I could feel Niall’s hot breath on my face, he smelt of a combination of mint and beer. His tongue darted out to wet his soft, plump lips seconds before he pressed them against mine. Time seemed to still, and the rest of the world faded away. At that moment, nothing else in the world mattered; no one else existed but Niall and I. We broke apart neither of us daring to open our eyes right away, fearing it was all a beautiful dream. When our eyes eventually connected, there was no more holding back, our mouths collided with a great passion.   
  
Our lips moved together as though they had been made for each other, perfect puzzle pieces finally coming together. His warm tongue slid across my bottom lip, and I accepted it eagerly. As our tongues massaged each other my fingers wound themselves into his silky blonde hair, tugging at it gently causing him to moan into my mouth. His fingers slid under the material of my shirt, gripping tightly onto my waist with one hand, the other rubbing small circles on my lower back.   
We finally separated, chests heaving. We both knew if we didn’t stop now, we wouldn’t, we couldn’t. Niall rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closed tightly.

“Wow…” He whispered breathlessly, “I’ve never felt anything like that before…” He continued, running his thumb across my cheek, a small contented smile gracing his lips.

“Me either,” I said biting my lip.

“It was… electric.” He replied, his eyes searching mine.

“Magical.” I agreed, sighing happily.

“TEAGAN! Oh my God, there you are!” Lucy’s voice rang in my ears as she tugged on my arm pulling me away from Niall, “Bitch, I have been looking everywhere for you, oh hey Niall.” She smiled drunkenly.

“Hey…” He nodded giving her a small wave. She started to drag me through the crowd, and I looked back through the crowd over my shoulder at a dejected Niall, his hands shoved deep in pockets.

_Fuck._


	27. 21

****

 

**2015**

**21.**

It was early January, and rehearsals were beginning for the ‘On The Road Again’ tour. I stood in the hallway, loitering outside the door to the rehearsal room, delaying the inevitable. I nibbled nervously at my fingernails at the thought of seeing Niall for the first time since we shared that moment on New Year’s Eve. I heaved my handbag up on my shoulder and mentally slapped myself.

_C’mon! Don’t be such a… a baby… oh God._

I cursed everything as I closed my eyes tightly and hung my head.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I scolded myself running my fingers through my hair in frustration.

_How could you let this happen… How could you be so careless?!_

The door in front of me was yanked open, and Harry’s towering frame stood before me; his brown curls now framing his face, his green eyes glinting with delight as he laughed.

“Oh, Teags!” He grinned stepping forward and wrapped his arms around me, “Where’ve you been? Payno just told the best joke,” He twisted around his eyes scanned the room for our bandmate, “Payno! Come tell Teagan that joke you just told me…” He shouted, “You’re gonna love it!” He assured me turning to face me again.

“I actually need the bathroom, so maybe later,” I said quickly, pushing past him and walking through the room avoiding eye contact with the other boys.

“Teagan!” Niall called out from across the room. I ignored his voice and shut the door of the toilet behind me, leaning against it, as I breathed in deeply. My handbag dropped on the floor with a thud, as I walked over to the counter. I turned on the tap, and as the cold water trickled out of the faucet, I placed my hands either side of the sink and staring at my reflection.

 _What have you done?! You stupid girl!_ _This is it, your career, your life… it’s all over now. You just had to have that one moment of passion… didn’t you?!_

As the hot tears trickled down my cheeks my bottom lip quivered. I had ruined everything, and there was no one I could confide in this time, no one who would understand. I cupped my hands under the water and splashed it on my face. As the droplets of water streaked down my cheeks and dripped off my chin, I sighed heavily. I couldn’t avoid them any longer. I couldn’t avoid _him_ any longer. I wiped my face with the back of my sweater sleeve and picked up my handbag before begrudgingly heading back into the rehearsal space. The boys were huddled in the centre of the room, talking in hushed tones. Their chatter halted when they realised I was in the room, all four of them staring over in my direction. Louis coughed and stepped out of the group toward me.

“You alright love?” He asked a kind smile gracing his features.

“Yep, totally fine,” I lied through my teeth as I walked over to a table and placed my handbag on it. I searched through the contents, looking for my phone, “Why wouldn’t I be?” I mumbled.

“You just don’t seem like yourself.” Liam chimed in the sound of his footsteps coming closer towards. I turned around on the spot and came face to face with three of my bandmates; Niall remained at a distance, hurt present in his eyes.

“I said, I’m fine…” I persisted, forcing a smile, “Let’s just get on with it ok?” They agreed and backed off; they knew not to ever test or push my limits; they were smarter than that. I walked over to my microphone and waited for the boys to join me. As they each stood behind their designated microphone stands I pinched the bridge of my nose; it was going to be a long day.

We broke for a late lunch at around 2 pm. I sat alone at the end of a long wooden table in the dining hall of the building. I couldn’t eat; I was mindlessly pushing my peas around my plate with my fork when Harry’s deep voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

“May I join you, m’lady?” He asked rhetorically as he placed his plate down on the table beside me and made himself comfortable, “You haven’t touched your food…” He observed pointing at my plate with his fork.

“Uh, not true…” I replied smugly, “I have had a whole piece of broccoli, I’ll have you know!”

“A whole piece?!” He gasped, “You must be stuffed…” He mocked as he shovelled food into his large mouth. The idea of eating at that moment made me nauseous.

“I’m just not hungry.” I shrugged.

“Not hungry?” Niall dropped his plate down on the other side of me and sat down in the dining chair, “Give it here then.” He said with a nod looking at my plate hungrily. With raised eyebrows I hesitantly passed it to him, reaching to take my fork back, but before I could do so, he swatted my hand away. He wrapped his fingers around the silver utensil, dug it into the heaped pile of mashed potato on my plate and brought it to his lips.

“That’s been in my mouth…” I said with wide eyes, my nose scrunched up in disgust.

“So?” He chuckled swallowing the food, “It’s not like I haven’t had your saliva in my mouth before-” A gasp escaped my lips as I slapped his chest, “Ow!” He shouted rubbing the spot my hand had hit.

“Don’t broadcast that!” I whispered my cheeks flushing a violent shade of red. Harry burst out laughing from beside me.

“You think we don’t already know?” He cackled. I felt as if my eyes would burst out of my head, “Everyone knows…” He shrugged with that same shit-eating grin on his face. I huffed as I stood up from the table, “If it was supposed to be a secret, maybe you shouldn’t have done it in the middle of a dancefloor at a party!” He shouted loudly as I stormed back to the rehearsal room.   
I sat alone on the floor in the wide open space of the rehearsal area, my legs crossed, my head cradled in my hands. I could feel the tears starting up again.

“Hey.” I wiped my eyes off any tears that threatened to fall and looked up at the voice standing in front of me.

“Hey…” I said quietly, pulling my lip between my teeth as Niall sat down in front of me, his elbows resting on bent knees as he leaned forward. We sat in silence for a moment before he let a deep breath and spoke.

“What happened to you on New Year’s? Lucy stole you away, and you just seemed to disappear after that?” My eyes slowly made their way up to meet his beautiful, bright blue ones.

“I honestly don’t even remember,” I shrugged a bubble of laughter escaping my lips, “Everything that night was just a blur-”

“Hopefully not everything…” He interrupted, a small cheeky smile playing on his lips. My eyes flickered down to the ground as that moment replayed in my mind as it had every moment since that night.

“No,” I blushed, “Not everything.” Niall smiled widely as he crossed his legs and reached his hand out to mine, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. We sat like that for a moment, just watching where our hands connected and the electricity flowed between us before he spoke, his smile slowly fading each passing second.

“I tried calling.” He told me quietly as he looked into my eyes.

“I know,” I replied sadly, “I’ve just…” I pulled my hands from his grasp and yanked my sleeves down over my fingertips, “Everything is so fucking complicated.” I groaned my head falling into my hands again.

“This is about Luke, isn’t it?” He asked his voice usually chipper and bright, now bitter and cold.

“Yes,” I exhaled deeply as my eyes met his, “It’s about Luke, it’s about you, it’s about… everything!” I ran my fingers through my tousled hair and groaned internally at the mess I’d created for myself, “It’s all just too much.”

“Talk to me.” He said scooting forward and taking my hands in his.

“What do you want me to say that hasn’t already been said?” I shrugged; I didn’t want to break his heart.

“I want you to tell me I’m not alone in what I’m feeling,” He pleaded, his voice cracking slightly, “Tell me you want me the way I want you…” His eyes searched mine hopefully.

“Niall-”

“Tell me it’s over between you and him,” He begged, “Tell me you choose me-”

“I can’t!” I interrupted, sadness filling my face and my soul.

“Why not?” He asked quietly, furrowing his brow, disappointment in his eyes.

“I’m pregnant…”

“Holy fooking shit!” My head snapped in the direction of the voice, and there in the doorway stood Harry, Liam, Louis. Behind them stood Sam, “You’re pregnant?” Louis asked, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

“You’ve got to be fucking joking!” Sam bellowed storming into the room past the boys and over to me. I stood up and came face to face with him, his nose pushed against mine, his foul breath stinging my nostrils, “After everything-” He drew a deep breath cutting himself off, “I fucking warned you two-” He was seething, the spit flying from his mouth as he spoke, “How could you be so fucking stupid?!”

“That’s enough!” Niall yelled pushing between us guarding me against Sam. Liam and Louis grabbed onto his arms and pulled him back as Harry stood in between all of us, his right arm outstretched in front of Sam.

“Just calm the fuck down,” Harry shouted at the top of his lungs, “It’s not Niall’s!” He paused and turned to us and raised an eyebrow, “Is it?” He asked quietly.

“No!” We both shouted in unison. I rolled my eyes and sat down on the nearest chair, Niall coming over to stand by my side.

“I don’t feel well,” I mumbled holding my hand over my mouth as I quickly stood up again and raced to the bathroom. I fell to my knees in front of the toilet as everything I’d eaten that day emptied out of my stomach. I heard the door open and close behind me as someone came up and knelt beside me, pulling my hair back with one hand and rubbing my back with the other, “You don’t have to do this.” I said although I was glad I wasn’t alone as my stomach involuntary lurched and I vomited again.

“I know,” Niall replied with a small smile. I regurgitated one last time before wiping my mouth with some toilet paper and flushing it all away. I stood up slowly, lowering the toilet seat and sitting down on the lid. Niall stood up and leaned against the counter across from me, “Feel better?” He asked.

“Not in the slightest…” I answered honestly as I stared at the grouting in the tiles.

“You know,” He paused and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his skinny jeans, “I don’t care.” I looked up at his smiling face and frowned.

“What?” I wondered, confused.

“What I mean is, it doesn’t bother me… the baby,” He shrugged. I didn’t know how to respond, I stared at him wide-eyed as he continued, “I want to be with you, I’m sure you’ve guessed how I feel about you,” He said with a shy smile, his eyes flickering down to the floor, “This baby is a part of you, so I’ll love your baby too.”

“Are you saying you love me?” I asked my voice barely above a whisper. He chuckled to himself, his gaze slowly meeting mine.

“With all my heart.”


	28. 22

****

 

**2015**

**22.**

“Urgh, this morning sickness is a bitch!” I groaned trudging out of the small toilet in my dressing room at AAMI Stadium in Adelaide. It was summer in Australia, and although it was warm, I was still feeling quite cold and feverish.

“Do you need anything?” Niall asked jumping up from the couch rushing over to me with a bottle of Evian, “Here, have some water.” A blush fell over my cheeks as he twisted off the plastic lid and pushed the bottle into my hand. I thanked him with a small smile and taking a sip, the cool liquid cascading down my hot throat.

“You really don’t need to fuss over me like this, Ni,” I said with a sigh. He shrugged and grinned in my direction as he took the water from my hand and placed it on the coffee table behind him.

“I know,” He wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly, “I just want to protect you both.” He whispered into my hair. I snuggled into his chest and inhaled his scent as he placed a loving kiss on my temple.

“Am I interrupting?” Paul’s voice boomed as he stood in the doorway of the dressing room, an eyebrow cocked. We stepped apart and looked anywhere but at each other or Paul, “If Sam had seen this, you’d both be in deep shit…” He reminded us as stepped into the room closing the door behind him and making his way over to the couch, sitting on the arm of the chair.

“We’re just friends-” Niall started to say shoving his hands in his pockets, glancing over at Paul.

“Save it,” He ordered rolling his eyes, holding out a hand in front his face, “Sam wants to see you,” I nodded and headed for the door, “Not you,” I stopped in my tracks and frowned in confusion at the tall, stocky Irishman. He stood up and pointed at the blonde in front of him, “You.” Niall furrowed his brow, and his eyes flickered in my direction then back to Paul.

“Why does he want to see me?” Paul shrugged and started towards the door. He turned the doorknob and pulled the door open.

“I’ll be waiting outside, don’t be too long…” Paul said stepping out into the hallway, “You know what Sam is like.” Niall rushed to me and took my hand in his squeezing it gently.

“I’ve got a bad feeling…” He mumbled running his thumb over my knuckles, biting his lip gently. I cupped his cheek in my hand as he rested his forehead against mine.

“Everything will be ok,” I whispered looking up through my eyelashes into his captivating, blue eyes, “We have each other now,” He placed his other hand on the small bump forming under my oversized hoodie, a slight smirk gracing his lips, “Nothing Sam says or does can ever change that.”

“Let’s go, Horan,” Paul ordered from the corridor. Niall sighed heavily and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. He ran out the door, and I was once again left on my own. I dropped down on the couch and was about to have a quick nap when my phone rang from the coffee table in front of me. I picked it up, and my heart sank.

“Hello…” I answered timidly, biting at my nailbeds.

“Hey baby,” Luke’s voice beamed through the phone. I closed my eyes tightly as my stomach twisted in knots, “How are you? I miss you so much.”

“Uh, I’m… I’m fine,” I replied quietly, “How are rehearsals going?” I asked as I played with a rogue piece of string that stuck out from the cushion beside me.

“Really good,” He sounded as though he was smiling. I still hadn’t told him about ‘the situation’, or everything that had happened with Niall. I did feel bad keeping secrets from him, at the same time he’d kept so many from me; but I knew two wrongs don’t make a right. I would tell him… eventually. It also didn’t feel right to tell him over the phone. That of thing is just not something you blurt out over the phone; especially to the father, “I’m so excited to see you…”

“Yeah.” I sighed, my mind on a million other things.

“Aren’t you excited to see me too?” He wondered, his tone changing immediately.

“Yeah sure…” I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration; I didn’t need his neediness at that moment.

“What’s going on? You’re acting strange.” He snapped.

“Nothing is going on!” I lied, “You’re supposed to be giving me space-”

“I’ve given you three months of space!” He shouted, “If you haven’t decided what you want by now, you never will!” He was practically screaming at this point; my whole body was shaking.

“Maybe I do know what I want!” I retorted, my words sharp and concise. There was a long pause before he let out a deep, heavy breath.

“We’ll talk about this when I see you in Japan; I have to go.” I didn’t bother replying; I just ended the call and slammed my phone down beside me on the sofa cushion. I let out an exasperated groan as I slid off the couch, onto the floor and pulled at my hair.

“Hey! Hey, what’s going on?” Harry’s deep calming voice resonated in my soul as he raced into the room, dropping to the floor beside me and wrapping his arms around my trembling body.

“I can’t deal with all this,” I cried as the thick tears fell from my eyes and pooled on the floor in front of me, “It’s too much.” I buried my head into his shoulder and sobbed, the pressure of everything finally getting to me. We sat like that for what felt like forever. I pulled away slightly, sniffling as I rubbed my eyes with the sleeves of my hoodie.

“Talk to me, babe…” Harry urged in a soothing tone, “Tell me what’s going on.” He rubbed comforting circles in the small of my back and placed his plump lips on the side of my hair. My bottom lip quivered as I tried to be strong and hold my shit together.

“It’s just Luke, and Niall,” I could practically feel Harry’s rolling from beside me, “And the baby…” He sighed heavily and pulled me closer to his side resting his head atop mine, “And all the bullshit with Sam, and all the pressure from the tour,” A loud sob escaped my lips as I buried my face in my hands, “I don’t think I can do this anymore!” He shushed me as he gently rocked me back and forth, his arms wrapped around me tightly.

“You are stronger than anyone I know,” He whispered after a moment of nothing but my soft cries filling the room, “You can do anything…” He reassured me a small smile gracing his handsome face.

“Maybe Sam’s right, maybe I am a screw-up-”

“Hey!” He scolded a deep frown setting in on his features, “You may have screwed up a little, but you are not a screw-up. There’s a difference,” He corrected me, waggling his finger in the air as he spoke, “I’ve always said- hey, look at me,” I sighed and bit my lip as I sheepishly made eye contact with my best friend, his index finger under my chin, “I’ve always said, everything happens for a reason. Simon chose you for a reason-” He reminded me causing me to roll my eyes dramatically.

“He chose that Zack kid first, remember?! I was the second choice!” I retorted childishly pouting slightly.

“But you were _a_ choice! He could’ve chosen anyone that day, but he saw something in you! ” He replied with a raised eyebrow, cocking his head in my direction, “Babe, you are a part of something special; we can’t do this without you.” Harry took my hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“It’s just all so hard,” I said as Louis and Liam’s loud, jovial voices echoed from the corridor as they hurriedly made their way past, presumably to see Lou for hair and makeup.

“I know it’s hard; it’s always been hard…” Harry chuckled brushing a loose strand of hair from my face, “But you’re a fucking strong bitch,” I smirked as a rogue tear slid down my cheek, Harry wiped it away with the pad of his thumb and smiled, “You’re incredible, don’t let all the bullshit and drama get to you!” He grinned, his gorgeous dimples showing through.

“Uh!” I groaned, reaching out and holding onto his broad shoulders, shaking him back and forth with what little strength I possessed compared to him, “Why did you have to be my best friend?” He cackled loudly as he pushed himself up from the floor, helping me up in the process.

“’Cause, you could not handle all of _this_ , darling!” He joked pouting and running his hands all over his torso.

“You’re an idiot.” I laughed wiping my tear-stained cheeks with the backs of my sleeves. When we had both calmed down, Harry cupped my cheek in his large hand and stared down into my eyes, his gaze as usual, incredibly intense.

“I know I said that we _can’t_ do this without you, but we _could_ …” I gasped in mock shock as I held a hand to my chest, “Of course we could… me and the boys are amazing-” His voice trailing off as he started to look off into the distance.

“Harold…?” I interrupted his train of thought with a small cough, my eyebrows raised, a small smirk playing on my lips.

“What I mean is, we _could_ , but I would never want to…” He said with a sad smile, “If you ever left, that would be the end of One Direction for me…” I stepped forward and hugged him tightly, his strong arms wrapping around my neck.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I assured him, he seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief as his body relaxed ever so slightly.

“Promise?” He asked hopefully.

“I swear.” I hated the word promise. I’ve only promised two things in my entire life, both to my mother. One that I would love her forever, and two, that I would never release a sex tape.

“Good enough.” He beamed as we separated from the hug. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear as I turned towards the door. I saw Niall standing in the door, his face a shade of ghostly white, pale even for his standards.

“Oh my God, Ni?” I gasped walking quickly towards him, “What’s the matter?” His jaw was clenched tight, his chest heaving, his fists squeezed tight by his side. I’d never seen him like this, “Sweetie, talk to me!” I held my hand to my mouth; I was so worried.

“How are we all?” Sam’s smug tone resonated throughout the dressing room as he swanned in, his Armani suit reeking of is cheap knock-off cologne. His beady eyes connected with mine and he grinned to himself like the cat that had got the cream, “Lovely day isn’t it?”

“Now’s really not a good time-” Harry warned Sam, stepping forward his hand outstretched.

“Actually, we have some news,” He smiled wickedly curling his arm around Niall’s shoulder, “Don’t we, mate?” Niall’s eyes fell to the floor, disappointment and sadness radiating from the normally exuberant and carefree lad.

“Hey everybody!” A young girl, couldn’t be more than 19 strutted into the room like she owned the place. Her long brown hair flowing over her shoulders, her dark blue eyes glinting in the lights as she walked over and stood beside Niall, clutching on to his bicep for dear life.

“Can we _help_ you?” I sassed with one hand on my hip, my jealous side seeping out as she pawed Niall, _my Niall_.

“This is Denise,” Sam informed us, a shit-eating grin creeping onto his face, “She is an up-and-coming model with Wilhelmina Models.” She smirked as her thin, spider-like fingers traced up and down Niall’s arm.  He glared her out of the corner of his eye but made no attempt to move.

“That’s great for Denise… but, what is she doing here?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest my eyes travelling up and down her tacky outfit slowly.

“Teagan, you’re being very rude,” Sam said as he mimicked my actions, crossing his arms over his chest, “Denise, has signed a minimum twelve month contract with Modest,” I frowned as I looked between Niall, Sam and this mystery girl, “We just wanted you to be the first to know,” Sam continued smugly, “Niall officially has a girlfriend.” My heart stopped, I could feel the bile rising in my throat; it felt as though the wind had been knocked from my body.

“What?” I managed to utter, my voice barely audible.

“Let’s go, baby,” Denise said to Niall, ignoring me completely, her whiney high pitched voice ripping through me like a blunt hacksaw. I watched on, my body numb as her hand slipped into his and gripped on to it tightly as she began to back out of the dressing room. Niall’s eyes flickered up and connected with mine giving me a longing, apologetic gaze as she dragged him away and out of sight. Sam stepped in front of me, towering over me, beaming with arrogance.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked quietly, the tears welling up in my eyes. Harry came up behind me resting a hand on my lower back for support.

“Now maybe you’ll get the message and stay away from each other,” He threatened, “Part of the contract they _both_ signed, is that if either of you go near each other in any other way but in a work capacity,” He leant down, his stinking breath fanning my face, “You’re out.”

“You can’t do that.” Harry scowled as he tried to defend me.

“Actually,” Sam span on his black heel and headed for the door, “I can.” He disappeared into the hallway, and I collapsed into Harry’s arms.

“It’s ok, don’t let them see you cry,” I squeezed my eyes closed tight and tried to pull myself together. As Harry helped me to a standing position, I got an intense, strong feeling in my abdomen. I clutched at my stomach, doubling over in pain, “Babe?”

“Harry… something’s wrong.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you are enjoying Backstage Pass. Please leave a comment below letting me know what you think :)


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